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    FAILED MISSIONS   //  our editorial opinion page

IS CLIFF CLAVIN RUNNING THE MAPLE LEAFS?  -  posted on Wed. Feb. 8, 2012



Goalie interference. If you are confused about it, don’t feel bad. Every NHL referee is just as confused. These guys are all over the map on this one. The time has come to let video replay decide.

How is it possible that Scott Gomez can go an entire year without a single goal? This guy has tremendous speed, is constantly buzzing around the net, and always plays with decent wingers. Surely a puck could have at least bounced in off his shin pads by now.

Two coaches injured the same week. Buffalo’s Lindy Ruff gets run over at practice and sustains three cracked ribs. Ouch. Edmonton’s Tom Renney takes a puck off the noggin and heads off for stitches. We’re just wondering: were the two players involved with these “accidents” getting the icetime they felt they deserved?

We’re not surprised to see Edmonton super rookie Ryan Nugent-Hopkins derailed yet again by shoulder problems. There was a lot of talk last year whether his skinny body could stand up to the pounding of an NHL season. Clearly, it cannot.

Interesting to note that Toronto GM Brian Burke has filed a grievance with the CBC network over Don Cherry’s negative comments about coach Ron Wilson. Had we known that Burke was that petty, we would have filed a complaint with CBC for showing shots of Burke when he was sporting his Movember moustache. He was doing a perfect Cliff Clavin imitation, which is an image we can do without.




ALL-STAR MUSINGS  -  posted on Sun. Jan. 29, 2012



The NHL All-Star Game skills competition has just about run out of gimmicks. We didn’t reach that conclusion when Patrick Kane put on the Clark Kent glasses and cape, and we didn’t reach that conclusion when Corey Perry pulled out the mini-stick, but we were certain this event had jumped the shark when Carey Price turned backwards to defend an incoming penalty shot.

Oh, no! As the NHL’s current labour agreement with the Players Association gets closer and closer to its expiry date, we are starting to see a surge of newspaper and internet articles on the topic. As the recent NBA shutdown reminded us, nothing is more boring than the day-to-day updates during a sports labour dispute, when both sides send out a spokesperson to try and spin a bunch of crap that real hockey fans have zero interest in. We would love a gag order on this upcoming mess, and call us when it’s over.

Columbus has been awarded the 2013 all-star event. That’s like putting a Kiss concert on in Utah.

A lot of NHL pundits are taking potshots at Washington’s Alex Ovechkin for his Casper the Friendly Ghost impression during all-star weekend. Having fun at a party works best, when you focus on who is there, rather than who isn’t.

Let’s call a spade, a spade. When it comes to hiring a goalie coach, NHL General Managers haven’t a clue if their guy is good or not. But all the other teams have one, so it must be the thing to do, right? Right?

Rather than ask Commissioner Gary Bettman about Phoenix – for the four-thousandth time – why not ask him why a referee two zones away can call a hooking or tripping penalty, while his partner who is only three feet away from the play doesn’t?

The New York Islanders are supposedly run by committee. Perhaps that explains why moving your backup goalie from the end of the bench to the GM’s office is okay. Which genius on the committee decided that in an attempt to generate more revenue via third-jersey sales, they would design the ugliest third jersey in hockey history?

Has anyone told NBC that the NHL has thirty teams, not just four? Every Sunday some combination of Rangers, Penguins, Flyers and Capitals jumps up on our screens. Mix in motor mouth Pierre Mcguire and its time for a John Wayne movie.

And finally….in a cost saving move, the NHL had considered not awarding a car to the player picked last in the team selection draft. As a compromise, a less-expensive car was selected:







DENNIS THE MENACE  -  posted on Wed. Jan. 18, 2012



The debate over whom is, and whom isn't, in the Hockey Hall of Fame, is never ending. One name you never here mentioned is Dennis Maruk. A pure sniper who racked up 878 points in 888 regular season games. Granted, he didn't play on a lot of powerhouse teams. First of all, that isn't his fault. Secondly, he did put up 36 points in the 34 playoff games he was part of. The fact he played on a lot of lousy teams makes his huge numbers even more impressive. How does a journeyman like Bob Pulford get into the hall, while a highly skilled player like Maruk doesn't even rate a mention?







A DOZEN RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM NOWHERE  -  posted on Tues. Jan. 10, 2012



Seriously. Who decided to give Columbus, Ohio, an NHL franchise? This team has been a joke since the day they entered the league. That won’t change anytime soon. What’s next? Hooterville? With Sam Drucker behind the bench?

The Toronto Maple Leafs continue to undermine Nazem Kadri every chance they get. Phil Kessel routinely makes the same brutal turnovers that Kadri has been vilified for on a regular basis. Meanwhile, another first round pick, Luke “Snowshoes” Schenn, gets a free pass to mess up as often as he likes - which is often.

If anyone thinks that HBO’s 24/7 is a realistic look inside an NHL dressing room, think again. Some players and coaches put on a show for the cameras, while most others clam up big time.

We don’t care how well the Ottawa Senators are doing right now. No way that team makes the playoffs, with that blueline, and those goalies. Look for the big crash to happen soon. Real soon.

Interesting to see Boston GM Peter Chiarelli and Vancouver GM Mike Gillis have a chirp-off after the Canucks used some more weasel-hockey to secure some revenge last Saturday. Why not follow the Brian Burke example, and rent a barn to duke it out, and settle this once and for all?

Imagine if Quebec is given another NHL franchise. Will they too freak out, if their coach can’t speak French?

Don’t you just love it, when losing teams like the Anaheim Ducks figure the solution to their problems is to trade away their best players? That way, the entire team will suck. Solid.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful, to turn on your television at game time, and see them drop the puck five seconds later? After watching a zillion million pre-game shows, featuring talking heads with nothing to say, and anthem singers that couldn’t find another gig anywhere if their life depended on it, we say drop the puck and get on with it.

The NHL obviously has a succession plan in place for the day commissioner Gary Bettman returns to his role as Count Dracula. After listening to deputy commissioner Bill Daly on the radio today, he is the perfect candidate to take over. His answers sound every bit as phony as Bettman’s ever have.

Steve Yzerman was hoping to design a new Tampa Bay Lightning uniform that would remain unchanged for decades to come, similar to the Detroit Red Wings tradition. In fact, Yzerman basically adopted the Red Wing look in terms of striping and simplicity. But while the Red Wings have one of the all time classic logos to compliment their look, Yzerman has come up with a Lighting logo that any five year-old could have improved upon.

We’re still wondering who decided to give Columbus, Ohio, an NHL franchise? How’s that going anyway?

One last thought: Who decided to give Columbus, Ohio, an NHL franchise?








NOT A CONSPIRACY, BUT DEFINITELY A JOKE  -  posted on Wed. Jan. 4, 2012



So Gary Bettman fines New York Ranger coach John Tortorella $30,000 for having the nerve to be half right. As the boring, dull, over-hyped outdoor game (a.k.a Winter Classic) headed into the late stages of the third period, the two referees in charge did all they could to make a mockery of the situation. Calling a penalty shot based on 100%, out-of-position guess work, was showboating at its best.

Said Tortorella:

"I'm not sure if NBC got together with the refs to turn this into an overtime game ...It started with the non-call [when] Gabby was pitch-forked in the stomach, and then everything starts going against us. They're two good referees; I thought the game was refereed horribly. So I'm not sure what happened there. Maybe they wanted to get it to an overtime. I'm not sure if they have meetings about that or what. But we stood in there. They're good guys. But in that third period, it was disgusting."

If Tortorella had just pointed out the fact that they were totally incompetent, he would have been completely accurate. But when he put forward an NBC conspiracy theory, he shot himself in the foot. NBC doesn’t need to pressure NHL referees into stupid nonsensical calls. They can arrange that all by themselves.

The simple truth is that NHL refereeing is a constant joke. The pattern never changes. They start each season ruling with an iron fist, calling infractions that only a referee’s mother could endorse as even reasonably fair, and by playoff time their whistles are permanently hidden in their pockets, as NFL football-on-ice takes over.

An official two feet away from a possible infraction doesn’t make a call, while an official a zone and half away does. Only in Gary Bettman’s world can that kind of stuff happen on a regular basis. We would blame this on Colin Campbell as well, but he is usually too busy sending emails around, protesting the treatment of his son, and his son’s team, to notice that all the teams have reason to gripe.

These refs can’t all be idiots, can they? Maybe half of them, but not all of them. You just know someone higher up is forcing these zebras to make such ridiculous calls. For example, every time one of these brittle one-piece sticks explodes, a slashing penalty is called right away. If a referee needs an exploding stick to help him identify what is, and what isn’t, a slash, that referee has no business working at this level.

The refereeing mess will remain a mess, because too many people refuse to rock the boat. Too many people are making a good living on the backs of NHL hockey, and see no reason to jeopardize their shinny-sugar-daddy, by stating the obvious. That’s why we get laughable logic such as “over the course of a long season, lousy referee calls will even out.” Oh, okay, let’s allow these officials to embarrass themselves all year long; after all, everyone gets screwed equally in the end.

John Tortorella was bang on, until he brought NBC into the argument. Too bad, too. It was refreshing to see someone say what needs to be said. And you can’t call it a case of sour grapes. After all, Tortorella’s team won the game




HEADS UP  -  posted on Wed. Dec. 28, 2011



Not long ago, a hockey concussion was a rare occurrence.

As of today, the NHL has over 30 players sitting out due to concussion problems. NHL commissioner Gary Bettman continues to pretend all is well. As far as the league is concerned it remains: “Problem, what problem?”

Bettman’s main line of defence is that the majority of these injuries are nothing more than accidents. Maybe so, but these are accidents that never used to happen, when body armour was limited to some minor body coverage, forcing the athletes to play at a tempo that allowed for clear decision making.

Everyone loves the speed of today’s game. But when the speed reaches a point where people don’t have time to think, accidents will continue to happen. Which explains why motor racing was eventually forced step in and put speed governors on cars. After a myriad of new safety features were built into cars - and the racetracks - suddenly the idea of spinning out and crashing concerned very few, because the chances of getting hurt during a crash were greatly reduced. However, racing officials soon discovered that drivers were unable to make safe decisions as speeds topped out at never before seen levels. A few dead bodies later, changes were finally brought in.

It would be a lot harder for the NHL to introduce speed governor rules to the game. Telling players to skate slower isn’t in the cards. But making them play in protective equipment that was the norm back in the 1970’s, would go a long way towards putting some fear back into the players, as they race around like maniac warriors, looking for the big hit that will bring fans out of their seats.

But the NHL isn’t going to address the problem until they admit there is a problem. As this story makes clear, the NHL will go to any, and all lengths, to convince fans that the status quo is just fine.

Their case is made stronger, by a handful of former NHL-cement heads-turned-broadcasters such as Nick Kypreos of Sportsnet, Mike “I don’t abuse kids” Milbury, and Marty “I didn’t decapitate Brashear” McSorley. These one-time, no-talent clowns, feel the need to consistently back-up current cheap shot artists, in a pathetic attempt to try and justify their own useless careers as players. Kypreos in particular has been on a mission to rehabilitate his phony tough guy image, ever since his career ended after being speed-bagged into unconsciousness by New York enforcer Ryan Vandenbussche.

Put today’s players back into equipment where even an average body check can be felt every time out. Put some fear back into their on-ice decision making. Only then will the current string of never-ending “accidents” be reduced. You can’t take today’s speed out of the game. But you can take the players disregard for the speed out the game, by making every collision hurt a bit, if not a lot. Reducing player protection from the neck down might not be a total solution, but it’s a good start.

Talking about headshots and concussions has become a huge bore. Pretending otherwise solves nothing.





GET A REAL JOB  -  posted on Wed. Dec. 14, 2011



IS THE CANADIAN WORLD JUNIOR TEAM OVERCOACHED AND OVERMANAGED?

Absolutely. The team of men in suits, milking the Canadian taxpayers and junior hockey supporters out of their hard earned money, has got to stop. The annual December selection camp is nothing short of a joke. An all expenses paid holiday for the brass. If these so-called experts can’t pick a team without this phony final showdown, they should hand over their Hockey Canada credit cards and get a real job. Every year, they try and justify their existence by getting cute, and cutting players that quite obviously belong on the roster. (e.g. Cutting Ryan Nugent-Hopkins last year. How did that work out for Team Canada anyway?). The ritual that sees players cut from the team via crack-of-dawn phone calls is a disgrace. But without it, at least two more freeloaders would be out of a job. Ramming system, after system, after system, down the player’s throats over a two-week period paralyzes the players, just as often as it helps them. Witness Canada’s choke job last year to the Russians. Drop the puck. Let them play. And send about a dozen of these leeches in suits home.


DOES THE NHL HAVE ITS HEAD IN THE SAND WHEN IT COMES TO THE NEVER ENDING PARADE OF CONCUSSIONS?

Completely. All key decisions are made by a team of General Managers, also known as the old boys network. They love to talk about the need to keeping hitting in the game. They love to talk about the role that hitting has played over the years in the NHL. Yet, whenever we watch game tapes of old NHL games, we rarely see a bodycheck thrown in anger. This nonsense that the game needs people racing around at supersonic speeds, trying to decapitate each other because it has always been part of the game, is pure fiction. As former Flyer captain Bobby Clarke points out, the purpose of body contact should be to separate the puck carrier from the puck, and regain possession for your team. Nothing more. Today, most inbound high-speed hits happen with no regard for where the puck ends up. The puck isn’t the goal. Rattling the glass, putting an opponent on his butt, and waiting for the hometown fan reaction is. If hitting is such an important part of the game, why do players feel the need to start a fight, every time a big hit happens? Why is the instigator rule rarely called after these follow-up fights? You can run at people at will in today’s NHL. But heaven forbid your stick should accidentally make contact with an opponent’s stick, causing it to explode. That’s an automatic penalty every time. Idiots.


IS THE NON-STOP PARADE OF FIRED NHL COACHES JUSTIFIED?

Hardly. If we were to own an NHL team, and our General Manager suggested the coach should be fired, we would fire the General Manager on the spot. If the coach is to blame, the GM should go with him. After all, he was the one that picked him above all others. If the coach isn’t to blame, it can only mean the team roster isn’t good enough. That too is the fault of the GM. When an NHL team falls into a major funk, General Managers strike quickly to dump the coach, for one simple reason. They want to make a move, before their owner decides to make a different move. It’s self-preservation, plain and simple. Many pundits have anointed Scotty Bowman as the greatest coach of all time. He led powerhouse rosters in Montreal, Pittsburgh and Detroit to the Stanley Cup. Yet, when he was handed the coaching duties in Buffalo, his team floundered. Fortunately, Bowman was also the GM at the time. He bailed quickly on the coaching duties, realizing there was nothing he could do. He fired himself, to keep himself employed. And the beat goes on.




STARTING TROUBLE OVER A STARTING GOALIE  -  posted on Wed. Dec. 7, 2011



How many hockey fans lose sleep over the starting goalie situation three days before the next game? You could probably count them on one hand. Even the real diehard fan is probably willing to wait until the puck is dropped, at least during the regular season that runs 82 games long.

Why then is the Toronto hockey media in such a flap over Ron Wilson’s admitted flip-flop re: his starting goalie in Boston last weekend. Several days prior to the Bruins encounter Wilson announced that Jonas Gustavsson would be in net, with James Reimer making his long awaited return from the injury list as the backup.

"Well we've talked about it. But more than likely it's going to be Gustavsson. I'm not being definitive about anything but we've told Gustavsson that he's going to be playing tomorrow."

Anyone reading that would have to agree that Wilson did leave himself some wiggle room. Maybe for legitimate reasons such as Reimer still being day-to-day re: his readiness. Or maybe, as was the case when young Ben Scrivens made his debut, Wilson wanted to protect Reimer from three days of crushing media questions about his comeback debut. The bottom line is, it is Wilson’s right to change his mind ten times if that is what he believes serves his team best.

General Manager Brian Burke concurred with that point of view when he tweeted: “Making a goalie switch is not just our Coach's prerogative, it is his duty. And of course, the media grand jury weighs in.” Wilson had a more tongue-in-cheek response to the frothing media when he tweeted: “Favorite movies: Liar,Liar; The Invention of Lying; Big Fat Liar. HaHa!”

Enter Steve Simmons of the Toronto Sun - a journalist known for being a troublemaker. Always looking for controversy where none exists. Always willing to take a quote and turn it around six ways to Sunday, if it will garner attention his way. He’s one of these writers who parades around under the guise he represents the fans, and therefore all sports team owe it to him, to reveal everything he demands they reveal. The reality is, his only interest is more self-promotion, attention grabbing grandstanding, and selling newspapers.

There are a lot of so-called “journalists” like Simmons around these days. They don’t especially care about the bare bones truth. If they can find a couple of sources, willing to provide a quote or inside scoop that can be twisted in a way that generates a sensational story, they will go with it. As long as they can prove to their editor that they have the two sources usually required, they will gladly run with it. It really doesn’t matter if the quote or inside info their sources provide is completely accurate. They have the sources, and that’s all they need to move forward with the story.

And so we find the Toronto hockey media, led by Steve Simmons, in a major pout because Ron Wilson was less than candid about his starting goalie for a regular season hockey game – three days before the game. Talk about a slow news day.

Rubbing salt in the media’s wound was GM Brian Burke.

Burke had already crossed swords with Simmons earlier, over his demands to be told everything upon demand. On November 20th, Burke playfully tweeted: “And who on earth is Steve Simmons?”

The so-called starting goalie controversy was Simmons perfect chance to strike back. And so he did.

Simmons went on Toronto radio the same morning this scathing attack on Burke was published, and claimed that only 33% of Leaf fans supported his position over Wilson and Burke. Judging by the response of Leaf fans on several major fan forums, Simmons’ numbers may be off by 32% or so.

When it comes to journalist like Steve Simmons, Brian Burke may have summed it up best when he tweeted: “I love the quote about the liars in sports. Many gainfully employed in the media.”

We’re not saying Steve Simmons is a liar. We’re just saying he’s a jerk, working under the phony position that he is in it for the fans, when he is clearly in it for himself, and himself alone.




GET YOUR PLAYOFF TICKETS, GET YOUR SPINACH...ON SALE NOW.  -  posted on Wed. Nov. 30, 2011



Today, we had a chance to drive by the old Maple Leaf Gardens building on Church St. in downtown Toronto. This historic building has been rotting away for close to a decade now. Today was the grand re-opening of the Gardens. Which is nice, but there’s just one slight problem - it is now a friggin grocery store. That’s right, a grocery store.

There was a long lineup meandering down the sidewalk today, probably more than a hundred people or more, waiting for a chance to buy some ketchup or baloney right where the Leaf bench used to be. Or to buy some carrots and cucumbers close to the old penalty box location.

Sitting at a red light, waiting for traffic to start moving again, we had a perfect view through the glass doors leading into the new interior. You could see the full retail layout ranging all the way back to wear the far end of the ice surface used to be.

Although we knew this was coming for some time, to actually sit there, and see it, was incredible. Check that, it was actually disgusting. Good heavens, Maple Leaf Gardens is now a friggin grocery store.

Granted, Ryerson University has installed a new upper floor, with a spiffy new medium sized arena in it. Good for them. But that doesn’t change the fact that Maple Leaf Gardens is now a grocery store.

Once again, Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment reminds us how everything they do reeks of greed. It is to laugh to have read the story that head MLSE loser Richard Peddie has a clause in his retirement contract that guarantees him a Stanley Cup ring if the Leafs should capture the Stanley Cup within three years of his departure.

It will take more than some flashy jewellery on his finger, to rid himself of the legacy as the man that turned the most famous hockey arena in history into a grocery store. Why? Because MLSE couldn’t stand the thought of some honest head-to-head competition.

Greed. Pathetic greed.







WHO CARES?  -  posted on Wed. Nov. 23, 2011



Who cares what the line match-ups are during an NHL hockey game? We tune in to be entertained, not to listen to two broadcasters duke it out re: who knows the most about hockey.

Who cares about this year’s annual outdoor NHL hockey game? It was interesting once, maybe twice. For all kinds of reasons, these games have been incredibly boring. That won’t change this year.

Who cares who wins the race around pylons at the annual NHL All-Star game? If we wanted to see players skate around pylons, we would simply tune in to a Columbus Blue Jackets game.

Who cares how old Edmonton’s Ryan Nugent-Hopkins is? He’s already made more fabulous passes in twenty games than Ilya “Tunnel Vision” Kovalchuk has in twenty years.

Who cares what super-goof Sean Avery thinks? The truth is he doesn’t think.

Who cares why Rangers coach John Tortorella hates New York Post writer Larry Brooks? Watching them repeatedly lock horns is hilarious.

Who cares why players continue to punch out Vancouver’s Maxime Lapierre, as long as they do.

Who cares about the NHL’s central scouting draft list? They’ve never come close to getting it right yet.

Who cares if a team losing in overtime walks away empty handed? Currently, these three-point games are insane. Hockey is the only major sport that is afraid to call a loser, a loser.

Who cares about free agents from Sweden? NHL General Managers were tripping over each other trying to sign goalie Jonas Gustavsson and forward Fabian Brunnstrom when they were both up for grabs. How did that work out anyway?

Who cares what specific injury a player has? The media love to whine about the lack of candor from NHL teams. These journalists say they are protesting on behalf of the fans. Nonsense. They are protesting on behalf of themselves. Why don’t teams just reveal the probable length of time the player will be out, and spare us the upper-body, lower-body nonsense altogether?

Who cares if Phoenix forward Kyle Turris ended his ridiculous holdout? We can’t recall seeing him touch the puck, let alone do anything with it. Then again, his 11 goal season last year has helped people forget about his 8 goal season the year before.






CAUSE AND EFFECT  -  posted on Sun. Nov. 13, 2011


Hockey Spy.com agents continue to file reports to headquarters, along with follow up notes as to the eventual outcome of each situation:


News Flash:

Former enforcer George Laraque uses his new book to raise the steroids in hockey issue, making it clear it is happening in more than one city.

The Result:

Within 24 hours, it was also clear that very few hockey fans cared. Play on boys.



News Flash:

Former enforcer George Laraque uses his new book to inform hockey fans that Wayne Gretzky was the worst coach he ever played for.

The Result:

Gretzky refuses to criticize the worst player he ever coached. His silence diffuses the issue, which undoubtedly hurts book sales for Laraque.


News Flash:

Sidney Crosby did not play this past week.

The Result:

Hockey writers and commentators spent another week tripping over each other, trying to prove they know more than other media guys know about his return. In reality, none of them know anything, because there’s nothing to know.



News Flash:

Former Blue Jackets coach Ken Hitchcock spends the better part of two weeks following his former team around, at games and practices, in tandem with Columbus team president Mike Priest. As the Jackets flounder badly at the bottom of the NHL standings, rumours are rampant that Hitchcock is poised to return as Blue Jackets coach. The hockey media chastises Priest for embarrassing his current coach and GM that way.

The Result:

Former Blue Jackets coach Ken Hitchcock spends the better part of two hours, investigating the St. Louis situation, in tandem with himself, before agreeing to take over as head coach of the Blues. Mike Priest is left standing at the altar back in Columbus. Call it karma.



News Flash:

New York Rangers coach John Tortorella began the season by sending weirdo Sean Avery to the minors, claiming there were better hockey players on the roster. Many believe GM Glen Sather and Tortorella were not on the same page when it came to Avery. Sather liked his abrasive style, while Tortorella couldn't stand having him around. The Rangers stumbled out of the gates. Tortorella then blows a gasket after San Jose’s Joe Thornton calls the Rangers “soft”. Soon after, Avery is recalled.

The Result:

The Rangers have won six straight, including all four games that Avery has played in. Tortorella may hate Avery, but he hates losing even more. And sitting up in his perch, with his trademark smirk on display, is Rangers GM Sather.






NICE SAVE  -  posted on Sun. Nov. 6, 2011



The ridiculous never-ending scrutiny of NHL goalkeepers is becoming a huge bore. Unless a goalie absolutely stands on his head, he is mocked, chastised and ridiculed by media and hometown fans alike. The simple truth is we will never again see goalkeepers play the way Terry Sawchuk, Glenn Hall and Jacques Plante did. We’re talking two different sports here. Back then, the tempo was slower, the shots were weaker, and the players were smaller. Goalies would routinely use their intuition and reflexes to make amazing road hockey style saves.
In today’s NHL, the game pace is ridiculously fast. These monster-sized players are creating front-of-net screens on a permanent basis. Combining their amazing strength with the power of these new fangled sticks, sees pucks routinely approaching the net at close to 100 mph. Deflections by nearby attackers, and partial deflections caused by defending shot blockers, only compounds the problem for goalies.

While many fans hate the new cookie cutter style of butterfly goalkeepers, it’s easy to see why this approach has evolved. With the exception of the odd freak like Boston’s Tim Thomas, the days when a goalie could rely on athleticism, reflexes and agility are gone. Watching Toronto’s Jonas Gustavsson use his incredible quickness to flop around like a fish out of water makes that clear. These inbound rubber missiles travel on unpredictable paths to the net, at supersonic speeds that defy anything but the Hail Mary approach to stopping the puck - namely put your body up front and hope the puck hits it.

To add insult to injury, not only do these goalies have to contend with all of the above for three full periods every game, they are also required to endure the hopeless challenge of the post-game shootout to break tie-game deadlocks.

Watching hockey on television, or from seats in the nosebleed sections, denies fans a feel for how ridiculously fast things happen at ice level. Ditto for the hockey media that sit in press box locations that are as close to the moon as they are to ice level. These hockey pundits seem to believe that unless a goalie stands on his head and single handedly carries his team to a Stanley Cup championship, he is a failure that needs to be replaced. We see pack mentality comments suggesting, “He can’t win the big one,” written on a regular basis every spring.

That’s not to suggest that there aren’t some bad goalies in the NHL. Some don’t have the glove hand, leg speed or understanding of proper angles to survive for more than a year, before facing permanent demotion. But the majority of today’s NHL goalies would have been super heroes in the old six-team era. Their conditioning levels and overall athleticism would have forced guys like Johnny Bower into retirement at age twenty-one, not fifty-one.

The same goalie that stands on his head and wins a series for his team in today’s NHL, will often be the same goalie that lets in four goals on ten shots the following playoff season. For reasons already stated above, the challenge that today’s pro goalkeepers face is simply overwhelming. To start branding these guys as failures is ridiculously wrong. The real failures are the copy-cat hockey pundits that either don’t have a clue what is really happening at ice level, or even worse, choose to ignore it in favour of a fabricated storyline.




FIRST IMPRESSIONS  -  posted on Fri. Oct. 28, 2011



There’s an old saying: you only get one chance to make a good first impression.

Here’s Hockey Spy.com’s first impression of the NHL to date:


Boston: Are people confusing a Stanley Cup hangover with reality? The Bruins were one overtime goal away from an early playoff elimination last year.

Buffalo: Might have the best owner, best coach, and best goalie in the NHL. Scary.

Montreal: Worst start in 70 years, but Habs have now won two in a row. Children have returned to school. Suicide hotline calls diminished overnight. Divorce rate returned to normal levels today.

Ottawa: Senators don’t have the shutdown goalie they thought they had.

Toronto: Looking better in the standings than they are on the ice.

New Jersey: Zzzzzzzz

New York Islanders: A nice collection of prospects thanks to years of incompetence. But with a weird GM and an even weirder owner, they’ll find a way to screw it up

Philadelphia: Might have the highest paid backup goalie in NHL history.

Pittsburgh: If they are this good now, what happens when Malkin and Crosby get going?

New York Rangers: How do they lose with that goalie? We’d ask Tortorella, but we’re afraid of him.

Carolina: Skinner puts a pin in the sophmore jinx balloon.

Florida: Booth was surprised to be traded. Versteeg was shocked it wasn’t him….again.

Tampa Bay: Yikes. Bergeron and Purcell amongst top three scorers.

Washington: Even if they go 82-0, it won’t matter. Their season starts in April.

Winnipeg: Needs a first line. Needs a second line. Needs some help on the blueline. Could use an upgrade in net. Other than that they are solid.

Chicago: Carcillo’s icetime up, penalty minutes way down. As Don Cherry says, “when a crusher becomes a rusher, he’ll soon be an usher.”

Columbus: If Jeff Carter wasn’t a big drinker in Philly, he will be in Columbus.

Detroit: What hurts more? Getting smoked 7-1 by the undefeated Caps, or being the first to lose to the Blue Jackets.

Nashville: Are they really in the league?

St. Louis: Seems like they have been for sale forever.

Calgary: Coach wants the entire team to play Sutter hockey. It would take four fourth lines to do that. They’ve only got three fourth lines so far.

Vancouver: With all the losing, the most hated team in hockey is becoming easier to like.

Minnesota: Challenging the Jets for most boring team in hockey

Colorado: These guys can fly. Great road record.

Edmonton: Do they have the guts to send their best player back to junior?

Anaheim: The best line in the NHL playing like the worst line in the NHL.

Dallas: Home of the NBA champs. Home of the American League pennant winners. Home of America’s team – the Cowboys. Hockey stories can be found on page 15 of the sports section, right beside the comics and horoscopes. No wonder they can’t find a new owner.

San Jose: Another strong regular season unfolding. Means nothing. Like Washington, it's April that matters.

Los Angeles: Won’t be real contenders until we see Jack Nicholson sitting in the front row.

Phoenix: Owner Gary Bettman can’t be pleased with mediocre start.








PINK SKATES  -  posted on Sat. Oct. 22, 2011



As we sit on our secret couch located in our secret headquarters, every Sunday, watching National Football League players do a superb job of wearing pink to support breast cancer awareness, we wonder where the NHL stands on this annual campaign.

There was a time when some NHL players used pink tape, while others went as far as to use pink sticks. Pink ribbon logos once appeared on team helmets. The Mississauga Majors of the Ontario Hockey League wore pink sweaters while skating on pink-tinted ice. This year the Missouri State Ice Bears are playing a couple of homes games on pink ice. In Canada, the Waterloo Warriors university team wore pink sweaters during the pre-game warm up.

Which brings us to the real question that needs to be answered: Which NHL team will be the first to wear pink skates? Bright pink skates. The publicity would go viral, to say the least. If you’re gonna do it, do it right. It’s time for pink skates.





NO MORE OFFSIDES  -  posted on Sat. Oct. 15, 2011



Like everything in this world, the sport of hockey continues to evolve. The dilemma for hockey is that as the players continue to get bigger, stronger and faster, the game itself is getting harder to enjoy.

Fans are attracted to the game for different reasons. Some like the rough physical moments that big hits and/or big fights provide. Some like the chess-like defensive aspects on display, and don’t mind a low scoring game. But the majority of fans watch hockey to see lots of scoring chances, goals and great saves.

It is the latter group of fans that are most disappointed these days. Three new and irreversible factors are working against them, making the firewagon hockey they crave an occasional thing at best.

1. Shot blocking

2. Butterfly goalkeeping

3. Player conditioning levels

The fitness level of today’s player, in combination with brief 40-second shifts, means that the time and space needed to create offence consistently is rarely available.

When a skilled puck handler does break through on occasion, excited fans sit forward on their seats with anticipation, only to be disappointed by another blocked shot, or robotic goalie who spreads his pads across the width of the net with lightning speed.

There are all kinds of standard solutions being repeated by the pack-mentality hockey media that amount to nothing more than tinkering. A larger ice surface doesn’t help. Sooner or later players have to bring the puck to the net, where the above list of problems still remains in play. Smaller goalie equipment will help a bit, but only a bit.

In an earlier editorial, Hockey Spy.com (See Failed Missions, August 16th post) pushed for entrepreneurs with deep pockets to launch a new four-on-four league, and listed some compelling reasons why it would succeed.

For those that want to keep five skaters on the ice, Hockey Spy.com says fine - but let’s go outside the box and create a new dynamic for five-aside hockey.

The Hockey Spy.com proposal is a simple one: No Offsides.

Well, almost no offsides. Long-bomb, two-line passes, from your own zone, or your own half of the neutral zone, would be whistled dead as an offside play. This should prevent a ping-pong game from emerging.

But once your skater crosses the centre red line with the puck, his teammates should be allowed to cross their opponent’s blueline ahead of the puck.

This would create the same dynamic that four-on-four overtime produces regularly: more time and space; more outnumbered situations; more defensive breakdowns; more scoring chances; more goals; more great saves. The number of blocked shots would be reduced. The insane high-tempo hockey would suddenly benefit the attacker, rather than the defender.

Sadly, the butterfly goalie problem will remain. But two out of three ain’t bad.




DROP THE PUCK…PLEASE  -  posted on Thur. Oct. 6, 2011



The Toronto Sun had a superficial one-million page special insert today, all about the upcoming NHL season. Insomniacs were thrilled. Bird cage owners were also pleased.

Both TSN and Sportsnet are running lengthy pre-season prognostication shows this week. Sports radio hosts across Canada and some of the northern states have analyzed everything from each team’s back-up goalies to the size of Zdeno Chara’s feet.

In Toronto, the Ron Wilson watch is underway despite the fact his Maple Leafs own a 0-0 record to date. The Bruce Boudreau watch is underway as well. Should the Washington Capitals come out of the gates 0-1, some pundits will race to label him as good as gone. Should the Vancouver Canucks win their opener, the parade route/riot route will be published the following morning.

While the NHL exhibition games were as boring as ever, they did serve to prove that Brendan Shanahan is indeed the new sheriff in town. Last year NHL GM’s made it clear that they wanted the head shots mess cleaned up. Stiffer suspensions were called for. Now that those stiffer suspensions are a reality, some GM’s are whining about their harshness. What these GM’s obviously meant to say was that they wanted other players suspended more often, not their own players. Shanahan didn’t get that memo.

On the same day that the New York Rangers released Sean Avery, a new book was launched rehashing the infamous David Frost/Mike Danton saga. Too bad Al Eagleson wasn’t in the news this week- might as well talk about all the NHL’s top creeps all at once. We suppose everyone should be given a second chance. After all, Danton allegedly saved a teammate's life this week, over in Sweden, by putting the first aid skills he learned while in prison, to good use. Maybe he discovered that saving a life was more fun that plotting to end a life.

There is a concentrated campaign underway to rehabilitate NHL VP Colin Campbell, who has been mocked far and wide for his dart-board system of discipline. At different times this week, we have heard Brendan Shanahan, NHL Deputy Commissioner Bill Daly and grand poobah Gary Bettman all come to Campbell’s aid, even though his name was never broached by the respective interviewers. Me thinks thou dost protest too much.

Countless stories have been written about how many players have found religion when it comes to off-season conditioning. If you think Player A or Player B was fit last year, just wait until you see them flying around this year. And if you really want to see how fit a human being can get, just wait until next summer when the same articles pop up again.

Teams that handed their coach a crappy roster and then fired him last year, have handed the new coach a crappy roster again this year. But pre-season stories tell us that somehow, some way, that new guy has found a new system, or a new way of handling professional athletes that will vault his Bad News Bears to the top.

Online fan forums have featured lengthy arguments about line combinations and defensive pairings, as if the game-one lineup remains intact for the other 81 games.

Hockey poolie’s will make all this year’s decisions based on last year, despite the fact that last year and this year have never unfolded the same since shinny was invented.

The NHL is again shipping a handful of teams over to Europe to launch the regular season schedule. We note with amusement the fact that the Los Angeles Kings defeated that Hamburg Freezers by a score of 5-4 this week. The Freezers? What the heck is that all about? Do kids over there aspire to one day play for the Freezers?

If one more wimpy member of the media brings up head shots or fighting in hockey, we may start to scream. Are they valid issues? You bet. Do they need to be discussed every five seconds, all year long? Hardly. Should hockey decision makers cater to the 18,000 fans jumping to their feet and cheering loudly when a good scrap breaks out, or should they cater to the ten media phonies in the press box that find it all so disgusting? Just asking.

As you can tell from this rant, Hockey Spy.com is not a big fan of all the pre-season shenanigans going on. Please, oh please, somebody drop the puck.







IS IT POSSIBLE THAT BRIAN BURKE IS A BUST?  -  posted on Wed. Sep. 28, 2011



As it stands today, Brian Burke is the guy raking in millions to help bring the Toronto Maple Leafs a step closer to finishing eighth; the same guy who gave away Tyler Seguin in order to acquire the one-dimensional Phil Kessel; and the guy who has declared his “I believe in this group” mantra every year he’s had the job, only to finish near the bottom of a mediocre Eastern Conference.

Burke justified his giveaway of two high-end first round draft picks by pointing out that the free agent college players the Leafs signed would replace those lost picks. Of the three high-profile college signings completed just two years ago, only one player remains in the organization today. That would be Tyler Bozak, who after floundering as a first-line centre, is now fighting hard to hang on as a third or fourth line centre.

Meanwhile, Viktor Stalberg was given away to Chicago for Chris Versteeg, who lasted all of half a season before Burke shipped him out as well – for a first round draft pick. Which is all fine and dandy, except Burke has consistently refused to admit a long-term rebuild was underway. His often-stated goal, plain and simple, was to make the playoffs right away. Only when he couldn’t get his team into the playoffs, three years running, did Burke suddenly convert to a long-term plan. His other big signing, Christian Hanson, was allowed to walk away and sign with Washington this past summer.

When challenged by the media re: his first round draft pick giveaways, Burke reasoned – two summers in a row - that while the Leafs would be wallflowers at the annual junior draft, “their draft” would take place on July 1, when NHL free agency was activated. Burke was either spewing nonsense or admitting that he can’t read, because the number of high-impact free agents available over the past two years can be counted on one hand.

Instead, Burke broke the piggy bank to sign defenceman Mike Komisarek - a slow-footed defenceman who arrived just in time to see the increasingly high-speed NHL game pass him by. Komisarek has the on-ice vision of Stevie Wonder and horrible passing skills. Defenceman Francois Beauchemin was brought in to try and set a new modern day record for most ill advised blueline pinches, and a year later fellow defenceman Brett Lebda arrived to demonstrate how to handle a hockey puck as if it’s a live grenade.

During the summer of 2010, Burke winged his way to Sweden on a clandestine mission to bring home the Sedin twins. By the time his plane landed, the Canucks had undercut Burke by signing their dazzling duo to long-term contracts. Not one to waste corporate money, Burke remained in Sweden to serenade, and eventually sign, Swedish goalie Jonas Gustavsson, the first goalie in NHL history to imitate a flopping fish out of water.

While Burke gave away little to acquire defenceman Dion Phaneuf, his plan to build the Leafs’ future around Phaneuf is fraught with risk. While Phaneuf’s forward skating skills allow him to repeatedly and impressively lug pucks out of the defensive zone, his many liabilities are equally noticeable. He may have the most inaccurate shot in hockey history. Speedy forwards beat him wide on a regular basis, because Phaneuf cannot make the pivot at the NHL level. His horrible habit of entering puck battles with one hand on his stick, as if he’s dipping his toe in the swimming pool to test the temperature, means that even the softest of forwards can walk away with the puck in tow. Worst of all, Phaneuf’s hockey sense and ability to read the play is almost non-existent. For this, he was handed the captaincy.

Equally hilarious is Burke’s declaration that his “top-six, bottom-six” formula is a guaranteed Stanley Cup winning formula. He tries to justify this game plan by referencing his Stanley Cup dynasty in Anaheim – a dynasty that ended after winning one cup in a row. Show us a team that purposely restricts its talent base to six forwards, and we’ll show you a team that is one or two injuries away from scoring goals at the same pace as a third-division soccer team.

Even if you agree with Burke’s formula, his attempt to bring in a mean and nasty bottom-six is laughable. Aside from the gutsy Mike Brown, and occasional hit man Colton Orr, the rest of Burke’s bottom six have about as much sandpaper and toughness as the cast of Glee.

Burke has hired a front-office staff only rivaled in numbers by the Pentagon. Considering Burke is a an annual candidate to win the Stephen Harper Control Freak Award, it makes one wonder what Dave Poulin, Dave Nonis, Rick Dudley, Claude Loiselle, Cliff Fletcher and Santa Claus do all day long.

Perhaps they were the ones that convinced Burke to declare - just prior to the 2011 Leaf training camp - that there was only one job, a third line forward position, up for grabs. After all, they almost made the playoffs last year. By making a single roster change, the Cup will undoubtedly be theirs.

This foolish declaration blew up in Burke’s face, when mobile rookie defenceman Jake Gardiner outplayed all other Leaf blueliners, during the first half dozen pre-season games. Burke showed his tap dancing skills by declaring it wasn’t him – but rather the media – that concocted the idea that only one roster spot was open.

Burke then went on to challenge new players to step up and force their way on to the roster. When Jake Gardiner did just that, Burke was heard on television trying to convince Leaf boosters that Gardiner had not shown enough in his own end to earn a roster spot. Burke also made reference to his longtime belief that all young players should apprentice in the minors. Which means he was challenging players to step up and win roster spots that he didn't believe in giving them. Because Burke allows his coach to select the final roster, Gardiner made the opening day lineup in spite of the GM's protests.

Burke and his Team USA buddy, coach Ron Wilson, have spent the better part of two years trying to undermine 2009 first round draft pick Nazim Kadri. Their never-ending rants, full of negative comments about Kadri’s game, are unprecedented in recent NHL history. Rather than embrace Kadri for what he is – a highly skilled sniper/playmaker – Burke and Wilson seem intent on converting Kadri into a Mike Brown clone.

You won’t see Burke publicly embarrass his roster full of grinders for their inability to contribute offensively, but he has no problems pointing out Kadri’s limitations when it comes to playing defensive hockey or playing a safe, take-no-chances, dump and chase game. If you want your snipers to put up big numbers, they need free reign to take risks and attempt plays that can backfire from time to time.

When players like Alex Ovechkin, Patrick Kane, and Jaromir Jagr come to town and fill the net against Burke’s Leafs, does he not take time to notice that they too make mistakes and turn pucks over as they display their impressive array of tricks? I don’t recall hearing management teams from Washington, Chicago or Philadelphia publicly mocking their stars the way the Leafs continue to do when it comes to Kadri.

Brian Burke’s tenure in Hartford and Vancouver was ordinary at best. His lone Stanley Cup achievement in Anaheim had former Duck’s GM Bryan Murray’s fingerprints all over it. Since coming to Toronto he has been all over the map – first insisting he had no patience for a slow rebuild, only to pull a full u-turn when that approach failed, and start lecturing Leaf fans to be patient while his new collection of draft picks are given time to develop.

As Burke enters year four as the king of Leaf Nation, there is an outside chance his slightly improved squad will sneak into a low-seeded playoff spot. One would assume that Leaf management had set their goals a bit higher than that, when they stalled for close to a year and broke the bank to bring Burke onboard.

Then again, Burke may have the safest job in hockey. The man that hired him, Richard Peddie, wouldn’t dare admit he was wrong, yet again. This allows Burke to bully his way around town, full of bombast, as he alters his game plan as often as his mistakes deem necessary.

Is Burke a bust? Not yet. But he’s as close to that as he is to being a winner. Maybe closer.







SUCH A WASTE  -  posted on Fri. Sep. 23, 2011



Memo to corporations that are paying tons of money to NHL teams, for the privilege of advertising on their boards:

You are wasting your money.

Hockey fans, are hockey fans, so they can get away from the real world for awhile. That includes getting away from the over-saturation of sales messages in their lives. They tune your logos out as if they weren’t even there. If you are relying on subliminal messaging to justify the huge premium you pay NHL teams, you might want to think back to this classic line from John Wanamaker, a merchant who ran a department store back in early 1900’s.

“Half the money I spend on advertising is wasted; the trouble is I don’t know which half.”

Memo to corporations that are paying tons of money to run commercials in the middle of an NHL hockey game:

You are wasting your money.

Every time an NHL game heats up a bit, with some sustained action, along comes another commercial timeout. Of course, advertisers will point out to us that without their advertising dollars, there might not be an NHL broadcast at all. To which we reply: nonsense.

There’s enough time to sell your stuff while those two zamboni’s are circling the ice. If some of the revenue you provide to the NHL was clawed back, player salaries would be lower, ticket prices would be lower, and our opinion of you and what you sell would be higher. There’s a time and place to make your sales pitch. Ruining a good hockey game isn’t the time. Regular viewers have come to use these rude interruptions for bathroom breaks, beverage top-ups, and snack preparations. Not to mention checking out Twitter and Facebook. Whatever audience you think you are reaching - cut it in half.

Memo to corporations that are paying tons of money to advertise on the hundreds of all-sports radio stations – and their copycat formats - popping up across North America:

You are wasting your money.

Especially advertisers tied-in to the incredibly redundant and boring “sports updates” that we are subjected to every fifteen or twenty minutes. Perhaps these updates offer some kind of value to listeners in the early evening hours, when actual games are being played. Other than that, these updates offer nothing to the listener. They are painfully repetitive interruptions to what could be good listening. Typically these updates are sandwiched between a series of commercial messages that are undoubtedly tuned out in droves. Listeners quickly surf the dial, knowing they need not return for five or six minutes. Whatever audience you think you are getting - cut it in half.

Radio and television stations that carry live NHL hockey games have resorted to selling sponsorships for power plays, big hits and “monster” player performances. The ice surface has multi-coloured ads that distract the view of the ever-moving puck. They are flat-out annoying. Sponsors logos are creeping onto NHL teams’ practice sweaters. How long before game sweaters are used as a revenue stream as well? How long before Sidney Crosby looks like this :




Clearly, they are running out of places to jam another sales pitch down our throats. A vicious circle of salary increases and ticket price increases has now maxed out. Before a McDonald’s logo appears on the butt of every Montreal Canadien, or before a Ford logo appears on the forehead of every Boston Bruin, wouldn’t it be a whole lot easier to stand up and tell the players: That’s it. There is no more.






A LIST OF LISTS  -  posted on Sat. Sep. 17, 2011



Training Camps opened today!

Hockey Spy.com's agents have compiled a short list of lists, all designed to rekindle the competitive spirit before the real games begin.

In no particular order:


THREE THINGS WE'D LOVE TO SEE IN PERSON:

1. A goalkeeper score a goal

2. Two zamboni machines collide while resurfacing the ice

3. Don Cherry bonk Ron MacLean over the head with an elbow pad yet again.



THREE HOCKEY MYTHS THAT NEED TO BE EXPOSED:

1. The "Gordie Howe" hat trick.

This monicker is applied any time a player racks up a goal, an assist, and a fight in the same game - just like Gordie used to do all the time. Or so we thought. The truth is that Howe only achieved the honour himself on two occasions. When you consider he played the game for 150 years, that isn't much of a track record. Brendan Shanahan did the trick 17 times.

2. Chris Pronger is a tough guy.

Hardly. Unless you consider a 6 foot, 6 inch guy who uses his stick like a scythe against non-fighters to be tough. He chirps the small players after every whistle, pretends to want a piece of the middleweights when separated by a linesman, and has yet to look at real enforcer in the eye during his entire career. When a real enforcer is on the scene, Pronger can't get away from the scrum fast enough. According to hockeyfights.com, Mr. Maucho has had 21 fights over the past 17 years. Aside from two bouts against Matthew Barnaby - who probably didn't give Pronger an option - and one bout against Krys Barch, his dance card doesn't have a single enforcer on it. But he did find time to take on Frederik Modin, Vaclav Varada, Michal Handzus, Mike Stapleton and Michal Grosek. We're not sure how he missed out on Martin St. Louis. Or his wife.

3. Hockey wasn't for the faint of heart in the old days.

Eddie Shore hockey!! When men were men. Having listened to Don Cherry for the past three decades, one would have thought that NHL hockey - or in his case, AHL hockey - was a dangerous way to make a living back in the 1940's, 50's and 60's. Having had a chance to watch dozens of old games replayed on a variety of digital sports networks, we have yet to see a bodycheck thrown in anger. Players freeze pucks together along the boards as if they are sitting down for tea. And fights? Still waiting to see one.


THREE THINGS WE CAN DO WITHOUT THIS SEASON:

1. Watching power-tripping linesman take 30 seconds to drop the puck.

2. Pre-game interviews from the players bench as teams warm up. Superficial questions followed by predictable robotic cliches.

3. Teams rotating the captaincy. Make a friggin pick. How hard can it be?



THREE GUYS WE'D LIKE TO SEE GET THEIR LIGHTS PUNCHED OUT THIS SEASON:

1. Maxime Lapierre

2. Maxime Lapierre

3. Maxime Lapierre



THREE GENERAL MANAGERS POISED TO FIRE THEIR COACH - TO PREVENT THEIR OWN FIRING:

1. Brian Burke, Toronto: He and Ron Wilson are like Skipper and his little buddy Gilligan.

2. Greg Sherman, Colorado: After getting hosed on the Semyon Varlamov trade, Joe Sacco should be his scapegoat by game two.

3. Lou Lamoriello: This would be Lou's 34th straight year on the list, and he hasn't let us down yet



THREE PLAYERS INCAPABLE OF SCORING THREE GOALS THIS SEASON:

1. Trevor Gillies, New York Islanders: Should be suspended by tomorrow.

2. Cam Janssen, New Jersey: Doesn't realize the first intermission isn't the end of the game.

3. Jody Shelley, Philadelphia: He thinks scoring is for sissys, so he shoots wide on purpose.



THREE BACKUP GOALIES THAT HAVE AS MUCH CHANCE OF PLAYING AS MY MOTHER:

1. Johan Hedberg, New Jersey: If Martin Brodeur gets injured, they'll just leave his equipment lying in the crease.

2. Jhonas Enroth, Buffalo: If Ryan Miller gets injured, Lindy Ruff's wife will strap on the pads before Jhonas sees the ice.

3. Jonas Gustavsson, Toronto: Burke has put all his eggs in the Reimer basket. If he goes down, look for Johnny Bower to return.







DUMB AND DUMBER  -  posted on Sat. Sep. 10, 2011



Hockey must be a great game to survive the never-ending foolishness emanating from the people that control it:

Item: MORE SCORING: NOT A SOLUTION TO LACK OF SCORING

At the second annual Research and Development camp, the NHL once again brought the top junior draft-eligible prospects together to play some hockey, while also testing out a short-list of new rules. One new concept tested was to keep penalized players in the penalty box for the full two minutes, even if their team was scored upon while shorthanded. Reaction from NHL team reps in attendance was mostly negative. An idea that was proposed to increase goal scoring was rejected because most teams feared they would get scored on more often. Duh.

Item: I DON’T WANT THAT SEAT, SO YOU CAN’T HAVE IT

Anyone who has ever had an opportunity to sit in the lower half, of the lower bowl, of an NHL arena, can readily confirm just how fast the NHL game tempo is. Suddenly, even routine up and down the ice situations are compelling to watch. Naturally, NHL teams like to charge a premium for these prime location seats. In hockey-mad Toronto, the cost of a lower bowl “platinum” seat is outrageous. For the most part it is corporations and well-to-do entrepreneurs that own these seats.

Rather than – heaven forbid - mingle with normal people in-between periods, these sports snobs spend their second and third period intermission time tucked away in party suites underneath the seating area. They tend to stay there until game-play is well underway again. The funeral-like atmosphere that results at the start of each period takes away any home ice advantage. In the end, we have a bunch of elites using their financial clout, to hoard prime location seats that they have no interest in using.


Item: RULES ARE RULES UNTIL THEY’RE NEEDED THE MOST

One of the most refreshing changes coming out of the post-lockout NHL was the massive crackdown on the obstruction tactics that had turned NHL hockey into a three-hour bore-fest. By far the most annoying aspect of the clutch-and-grab era was the referees’ refusal to call penalties late in the third period and in overtime. That problem was supposedly rectified thanks to the crackdown.

But anyone who watched the Boston Bruins trump the Vancouver Canucks - to win the 2011 Stanley Cup championship - can confirm that as the series inched closer to a conclusion, the referees’ whistles were once again tucked away in their back pockets. NFL referees don’t hesitate to throw a penalty flag late in a Super Bowl game. Major League Baseball umpires don’t call strikes balls because it’s the ninth inning. But NHL officials are once again employing the “I don’t want to impact the outcome of the game” mentality. And of course by not getting involved, they are very much impacting the game. Calling obvious penalties will reward the skilled player and punish the rule offender. By refusing to make calls, the referees are unwittingly rewarding the rule offender at the expense of the skilled player. Both scenarios will impact the game. But the former is the legitimate way to go. Why are these cowardly officials once again opting for the latter?




HELP WANTED  -  posted on Fri. Sep. 2, 2011



If you are a currently unemployed NHL General Manager-in-waiting, do yourself a favour and keep an eye on the NHL’s Atlantic division. There’s a lot of weird stuff going on in that division. One thing is certain: Not all five current Atlantic Division GM’s will still be employed a year from now. Hockey Spy.com explains why:


NEW JERSEY DEVILS

A renowned penny pinching franchise suddenly turns around and offers Ilya Kovalchuk one of the dumbest, most expensive contracts in NHL history. A team that has always relied on depth will soon find the Kovalchuk contract makes ongoing depth all but impossible. Despite Kovalchuk’s dynamic style, the team still seems as boring as ever. Judging by the amount of people disguised as empty seats at Devil’s home games, others have taken note as well. Lou Lamoriello loves to fire coaches. Based on how high the bar has been set, when you look at his own performance of late, he should probably fire himself.


NEW YORK ISLANDERS

It is hard to believe that a franchise that once won five Stanley Cups in succession, has handed the reigns of power over to the team’s backup goalie. Even though the Islanders have compiled an impressive collection of young talent – thanks to their ineptitude - you just get the feeling that this will somehow get screwed up when it counts the most. Just like the backup goalie that makes all the saves needed to reach overtime, only to let a 40-foot wrist shot squeak through the five-hole, Garth Snow will soon prove he should be a backup General Manager as well. But owner Charles Wang might be too busy looking for backup financial support, to get them out of their current backup arena, to even notice.


PHILADELPHIA FLYERS

Paul Holmgren had guts when he played in the NHL. As a General Manager he is proving he hasn’t lost any of his nerve. How many GM’s in this league would trade away two young star forwards only a year after they competed in the Stanley Cup finals? But that isn’t the move that might eventually cost Holmgren his job. After living in denial about the team’s goaltending problems – a Flyer tradition that preceded Holmgren – he has put all his credibility-eggs in the Ilya Bryzgalov basket. As good as Bryzgalov has been in past regular seasons, his playoff performances must make Flyers brass nervous. If Holmgren doesn’t get this right, he won’t be the one picking the next Flyer goalie.


NEW YORK RANGERS

How does Glenn Sather keep his job anyway? Does he have pictures? He didn’t go as far as hiring the Islanders backup goalie to be Ranger GM, but he did hire former Islander Bryan Trottier – one of the most hated men in Ranger Land – as coach, despite the fact he had never coached before. That lasted all of 50 games. Since taking over the Rangers in 2000, Sather has been in and out of the playoffs – mostly out. He was forced to pay Wade Redden over $6-million per year to play in the minors. Sather loves to bring in potential stars that tend to remain potential stars. Brad Richards might be the exception to that rule. Then again, he might not. Glen Sather’s retirement party is now in the hands of Brad Richards.


PITTSBURGH PENGUINS

Show me a team with two superstars up front and a proven winner in net - and I’ll show you a secure General Manager. However, should the Sidney Crosby rumours – stating his entire career is at risk – prove to be true, Penguins’ GM Ray Shero will suddenly feel like an emperor with no clothes. The huge contracts given to Crosby, Malkin and Fleury have eaten away at the supporting cast. A bonafide contender could quickly become a hapless pretender.


As already stated above, keep the resume handy, keep your eye on the Atlantic division, and get ready - someone's going down.



THE POT CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK...AND VICE VERSA  -  posted on Fri. Aug. 26, 2011



High-end minor hockey players are often faced with a career-defining decision at an age when most teens can’t think past tomorrow. Should an elite player drafted into major junior hockey, play so much as a single exhibition game, while exploring that level of play for the first time, the NCAA considers that player to be a professional, and bans the player from college hockey eligibility.

This would be the same NCAA that runs hockey programs with operational budgets on par with many pro teams. The same NCAA that is riddled with scandals in its own backyard, pertaining to athletes earning perks and payments that major junior hockey players can only dream of. With that as a background, it is to laugh to hear NCAA hockey recruiters complaining out loud about major junior teams allegedly paying big dollars to players, or the parents of elite prospects, to move away from the NCAA option.

That’s not to say that the accusation doesn’t have merit. There may very well be major junior operators out there willing to spend a nickel to make a dime. If they can use some hotshot elite player to bring in the crowds, they might just spend a lot, to make a lot more.

Greedy junior owners are cashing in on a myriad of recently built mid-size hockey palaces, while still paying the young kids the same slave-labour wages they have been for the past thirty years. There’s nothing professional about the financial status of most major junior hockey players today, despite this huge jump in gate receipts and revenues.

The people running both the NCAA and major junior hockey, try to justify their existence, by claiming to be mentors for the next generation, preparing them for the real world that lies ahead, and taking credit for those that graduate as people of character.

Both sides deserve credit for picking up some, or all, of the player’s education costs. However, they are doing that as a means to an end. An end where the adults get to play with a lot of money generated by the kids. Watching the two sides point fingers back and forth is rather pathetic.





FOUR-ON-FOUR HOCKEY  -  posted on Tues. Aug. 16, 2011



Enough – please!

A simple game that used to provide constant flow, deft puck handling, and chess-like passing patterns has evolved into a game with occasional flow, reduced time and space, and dump-and-chase puck patterns.

Don’t blame the players. They’re bigger, stronger and faster than ever. They shoot harder. They handle the puck like magicians. The game should be better than ever. True, it is a far cry better than the clutch and grab era that prevailed prior to the 2004-2005 lockout, but exciting games in 2011 are still the exception rather than the norm.

No bloody wonder, with three, four and five man coaching staffs. They pour over video day and night looking for ways to shut down the opposition attack. They insist that their players collapse as a group of five in front of their net. They demand that players dive in front of every attempted shot on goal. The player’s incredible speed and mobility is used to constantly attack, taking away all time and space needed to create any offensive flow. Line changes happen every 30-45 seconds, insuring the shut down mode never ends.

Goalkeeper’s equipment is so bloated most shooters can’t see an available piece of mesh to target, let alone a real wide-open corner or tempting five-hole. Superbly conditioned netminders can fire their legs out into a butterfly setup in less than a second. The bottom of the net has become a shooter's wasteland. What used to be catching gloves, are now multi-tiered monstrosities, including an extension aptly named a “cheater.” Most goals are ugly goals. A lucky rebound, an invisible deflection, or a mesh-seeking missile that finds its way past a dozen skate blades as if it had eyes.

If the on-ice product is stifling, so too is the off-ice product. The competition amongst sports networks – radio, television and internet combined – is suffocating, as dozens of talking heads over-analyze the game until you want to scream. Pre-game shows, post-game shows, and intermission gabfests filled with analysts who can’t analyze.

We see talking machines like TSN/NBC’s Pierre McGuire trying to prove how much he knows about the game - all in one night. Thanks to Pierre, a guy standing in front of the net picking his nose now has “slot presence.” Players don’t think anymore, they just “identify”. A coach is given credit for a major system alteration, when the puck bounces off four jock straps, three skate blades, two goalposts and a partridge in a pear tree, before entering the net. Viewers at home are left with two options: the mute button, or lots of booze to play the Pierre McGuire drinking game.

Of course you can always switch over to CBC and listen to lead announcer Jim Hughson spend the entire evening talking about line match-ups, and each player’s overall ice-time minutes, even while an on-screen player carries the puck up and down the ice surface five times; deking out opponents thirty-five different ways; just before he banks a pass off the opposing coach’s forehead; only to see the puck return to the ice surface and carom off the referees helmet right into the net.

There is an obvious solution to all this madness.

Only when each team takes a skater off the ice, during overtime, does the game seem to breathe again. One bad “read,” or one fatigue-based turnover, suddenly provides a rare glimpse at what these highly skilled puck masters are capable of when given a chance.

When you consider the fact that four-on-four overtime is easily the most exciting version of pro hockey on the planet, how long will it be before someone takes a flyer on forming a new pro loop that plays four-on-four all night long?

As usual, the devil is in the details. Rink availability could be an obstacle in the short term. If the ownership is going to be restricted to carpetbaggers and charlatans - the idea dies right there. But if the right people - with deep pockets - truly believe in the concept and develop it properly, then new arena construction based on probable full houses is doable.

As far as television goes, with more and more sports specialty channels emerging with a major thirst for legitimate content, this concept can be a win-win for both sides. Initially, and maybe always, the four-on-four concept will take a back seat to the NHL in terms of television ratings. Then again - maybe not.

But one only needs to look at the football example in Canada to see that opportunities might still exist. Canadians are well aware that the NFL is the premier football league on this planet, and they follow it in huge numbers. Yet Canadian Football League ratings remain sky high. More than anything it’s the wide-open high scoring style of play that is behind those ratings.

That same go-for-broke, end-to-end style of play would be the hallmark of four-on-four hockey as well, opening up the door to solid ratings on both sides of the border. At a time when all existing pro sports leagues are struggling to find new ways to generate more offence, and scoring, the four-on-four loop would have the built in advantage of having already solved that problem.

While today’s hockey players are faster and more skilled than ever, that doesn’t necessarily translate into entertaining hockey. Oh sure, there are moments in the NHL when the game hits a frenzied tempo, and some hot shot dangles his way through traffic to bring the fans out of their seats.

But that same incredible speed and mobility can also have a negative impact on the game as well. On too many occasions there is precious little time and space for anyone to dangle very far, before they are surrounded and forced to throw the puck away deep into their opponent's end.

As already stated above, today’s successful coaches are primarily focused on teaching systems that are all about defence and shutting down the other team’s attack. Video study means there are no secrets anymore. Any team showing a hint of offensive flair is analyzed with immense detail and eventually forced to play the shutdown game as well. Witness the 2010-2011 Washington Capitals.

The evolution of shot blocking may be the final nail in the coffin. On many nights, fans are forced to wait patiently for a legitimate scoring chance to evolve. And no sooner do they lean forward in anticipation of a shot on goal, than the whole opportunity is stifled by the well-timed arrival of yet another shot blocker.

Tweaking of rules would also be an issue for the naysayers, but where there’s a will there’s a way. Power plays would feature four-on-three hockey. Should an already shorthanded team take a second penalty, their opponent would be granted a rare opportunity to place a fifth skater on the ice. When the two penalized players returned to the action, five-on-five play would carry on until the next stoppage in play.

There are dozens of other new wrinkles that would have to be ironed out as well. But the bottom line is this: athletes will continue to get bigger, stronger and faster. Don’t assume this is as good as it gets. As that improvement happens, NHL hockey is going to see even fewer scoring chances than the game provides today.

The day will soon come when NHL owners are going to be faced with two stark options. They can mistakenly enlarge the ice surface, which will do nothing to enhance scoring, because sooner or later, you still need to bring the puck to the net. If the size and speed of the players makes scoring all but impossible, there is only one legitimate option available -- take one player off the ice.

They used to play this game with six skaters per side. An adjustment was made, and the game flourished for decades. Sooner or later, history will repeat itself. Hockey owners can be forced into it later on....or they can see the writing on the wall and embrace it now.







THE NAME GAME -  posted on Thurs. Aug. 4, 2011



MLSE TAKING RYERSON TO COURT OVER MAPLE LEAF GARDENS

"In court filings, the company is demanding Ryerson stop using the name Maple Leaf Gardens in connection with the site and suggests it fears the school’s new 2,500-seat venue will compete with the Air Canada Centre, the Leafs’ current home."
(Globe and Mail story here)

It just reeks of greed. No one should be surprised. After all, we're talking about Richard Peddie, head snake oil salesman for Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment (MLSE). Peddie has been in charge for over a decade now, yet, many are wondering when the entertainment is supposed to start.

Peddie will tell you his fight with Ryerson is necessary to protect the powerful Maple Leaf brand name, which is his right when it comes to Maple Leaf hockey.

But when it comes to the Maple Leaf Gardens building itself, just remember this - Richard Peddie and MLSE didn't give a damn about preserving the building, or its great name. They were quite prepared to let this historic building sit and rot, rather than allow others to step in and keep it alive as a hockey and entertainment facility, even if it was renamed the Peddie Palace.

Why? Because heaven forbid, MLSE might face some competition for concert bookings. Even worse, people might have discovered an alternative form of hockey entertainment - at a price point that was fair and affordable - for the average Joe and Jane. We'll never know if a buyer, with deep pockets, was willing to spend what it takes to keep the Gardens alive as an arena, because Richard Peddie didn't want to know himself.

Turning this landmark into a food store/university facility is preferable to seeing it rot away, but Peddie and MLSE had better not be looking for any accolades for making such a move. Pure greed is what motivated them to turn the most famous sports arena in this country's history, into a giant grocery store. Richard Peddie couldn’t have cared less about the name Maple Leaf Gardens, until he discovered that someone else might make a few dollars using the name.

In this case, that someone else was Toronto's Ryerson University. Ryerson has agreed to share the facility with Loblaws by installing a new upper floor that will house various sports facilities, along with a modest 2,500 seat arena.

Can you just imagine what Ryerson would do with any profits derived from continuing to call the building what it has always been called? They might actually help young students attend university and earn a degree - at a slightly reduced tuition level. Well, we can't have that going on in this country if it means MLSE might miss out on a few dollars, can we?

And just how many concert bookings would the massive Air Canada Centre be losing to a 2,500 seat facility like Ryerson's? Does the number zero sound reasonable? MLSE might actually be trying to deny Ryerson university revenues that would never have reached the Air Canada Centre under any circumstances.

From MLSE general counsel Robin Brudner when speaking to the Toronto Sun:

"As for using the name it has to be remembered it’s our multi-million-dollar brand. It would be the same as if someone wanted to use Coke or Nike.”

There are two problems with that theory. First of all, most Canadians are more than capable of differentiating between the name of a historic building that has been standing since 1931, and a professional hockey franchise that has since moved on to a new home. Not everyone is nostalgic about the building because of the hockey team. Many look back fondly on Maple Leaf Gardens because of other famous events that took place within those four walls.

Secondly, what could Ryerson ever do that would embarrass the "multi-million-dollar brand" anymore than Richard Peddie and MLSE have been doing for the past decade?

The hockey Maple Leafs have missed the playoffs for the past six seasons. Big boss, Brian Burke, keeps talking about a contending team, based on a "top six-bottom six" formula. That would be the same formula that helped his Anaheim Ducks win one Stanley Cup in a row. So far Burke has pieced together a "top one-bottom eleven" roster, just in time for his annual "I believe in this group" declaration.

The basketball Raptors were supposed to be a running juggernaut under Brian Colangelo, but instead they have become a running joke. Almost every move Colangelo has made has been the wrong move. Naturally, MLSE rehired Colangelo for yet another makeover.

Brian Burke and Bryan Colangelo have the safest jobs in sports thanks to Peddie, the man who brought in John Ferguson (hockey) and Rob Babcock (basketball) as potential puppets. With Peddie on the verge of retirement, he wouldn’t dare admit that hiring Brian and Bryan was yet another dumb move.

Peddie brought in a new management team for the Toronto FC soccer club, hoping for a shot at the playoffs, which is pretty funny when you consider they couldn’t even arrange a shot on net in a recent loss to Houston.

Media reports, on August 4th, indicate that a settlement between MLSE and Ryerson might be close. Regardless of whether Peddie and MLSE have successfully intimidated Ryerson into altering their plans or not, two things remain true.

No matter what this greed motivates MLSE to do next, the building at Church and Carlton will always be remembered as Maple Leaf Gardens.

And no matter how hard he tries to convince us otherwise, Richard Peddie's reign as the boss of the Toronto Maple Leafs has accomplished something no one believed possible. He has made Harold Ballard look good.


THE OLD BOYS NETWORK  -  posted on Mon. Aug. 1, 2011


When not watching their favourite sport at the rink or on television, hockey fans often like to have a good laugh. Some take in a joke filled movie at their local theatre. Others tune into the Comedy Network. Yet another option is to check out the NHL disciplinary system.

After years of being one of the top stand up comedians in North America, Colin Campbell has decided to hand the spotlight over to Brendan Shanahan. That’s a tough act to follow.

Campbell spent the better part of thirteen years looking for any excuse he could find to rule in favour of the offender, rather than the victim. And when the circumstances of a vicious act cornered Campbell like a rat, his feeble attempts at punishment left most fans rolling in the aisles.
Campbell had no business handling the disciplinary role nor did his predecessor Brian Burke. The reason the NHL found them suitable for the job is the same reason they should never have been hired - namely they played the game. They’ve been there in the trenches. They can relate to what these players are going through. They are one of the boys.

What the NHL failed to realize then - and based on the Shanahan hiring still hasn’t grasped now - is that these guys belong to a society that suffers a complete disconnect from the real world. These members of the old boys network see each other at NHL arenas; at NHL charity events; at NHL golf tournaments; at Hall of Fame ceremonies; at All Star festivities; and throughout the playoffs just to name a few.

And the common thread that they all understand, without so much as the wink of an eye, is that whether you were a skill player that skated around the danger or a role player that fully embraced the danger, you entered the lion’s den and lived to talk about it.

Having survived the danger themselves, none of these people see any compelling reason to lessen the danger now. In their mind hockey is a tough game, and any kind of meaningful discipline system would assuredly be the first step towards ruining the game. In their mind removing violent acts, hits from behind, and head shots would also bring an end to clean hard hitting body checks. As former Bruin tough guy Mike Milbury warned us, you don’t want to “pansify the game.”

The truth is that whatever real or imagined danger existed back when guys like Burke and Campbell played the game, none of them were exposed to the career threatening assaults that has recently made the term “head shot” more prevalent than “nice pass” or “nice shot.” And Campbell’s long tenure of weak-kneed discipline is a major contributing factor to that reality. In a nutshell current players consider his rulings more of a joke than a deterrent.

In explaining the end of Campbell’s tenure, NHL President Gary Bettman said that Campbell needs a break from the thankless part of his job. “He deserves a reprieve," said Bettman, “Everyone deserves to have his sentence commuted.”

The NHL proved that every time Campbell opened his mouth.

Anyone familiar with the role Brendan Shanahan played behind the scenes, in getting obstruction removed from the game, realizes that he took his role as a custodian of the game seriously.

It will be interesting to see if he maintains that in his new role as NHL disciplinarian, or if he will revert back to the Burke/Campbell model by acting as a custodian of the old boys network instead.






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