 INTERROGATION // supplying our agents with questions that need answers |
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WHEN IS A GOALIE A FORWARD?
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posted
on Sat. Feb. 18, 2012
WILL THE RICK NASH SCENARIO REDUCE THE NUMBER OF TRADES PRIOR TO DEADLINE DAY?
Absolutely. Columbus GM Scott Howsen realizes that his entire career is on the line. He’s going to milk this right up to the deadline, to make sure he squeezes every last available drop from his eventual trading partner. That will leave a lot of GM’s standing at the altar, with little time to find a substitute bride.
DOES NASHVILLE’S NEWEST ACQUISITION HAL GILL HOLD ANY NHL RECORDS?
Officially, no. Unofficially, we believe that Gill may hold the all-time record for most consecutive bounce passes off the sideboards. Has no one ever told Gill it’s okay to pass it up the middle to a teammate, without the off-the-boards detour? This would probably be a good drinking game – take a shot after every Gill bounce pass – except for the fact everyone playing would be passed out by the middle of the second period.
SHOULD DETROIT’S NEW RECORD FOR MOST CONSECUTIVE WINS AT HOME COME WITH AN ASTERIK?
With their 21st straight home ice victory in the books, the Red Wings have surpassed the 1976 Philadephia Flyers record of 20 straight home wins. Purists argue that the Flyers did the trick when there was no such thing as overtime and shootouts. However, former Flyer captain Bob “Don’t Call Me Bobby” Clarke gives Detroit full credit by pointing out that the parity of today’s NHL is something that did not exist in his day. Clarke told a TSN audience that the gap between the top teams and the weak teams was much larger in the 1970’s, giving the Flyers a handful of sure wins during the streak.
WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH JOFFREY LUPUL?
Why does the NHL insist on listing Toronto all-star Joffrey Lupul as a right winger on their main website? They must have a trillion people posting stuff on that site all week long. Surely they can figure out what position a player plays. True, there are forwards in this league that flip-flop from side to side during the long 82 game season, but Lupul has been firmly planted on the left side - with fellow all-star Phil Kessel his bookend on the right side – all season long. Some deserving right winger may lose out on some kind of year-end recognition and/or financial bonus because the league can’t get this straight. Until they do, our vote for top goaltender this year will go to Steve Stamkos, while our vote for top defenceman will go to Boston’s Tim Thomas.
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JUST WONDERING
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posted
on Fri. Feb. 3, 2012
WHAT DOES FORMER BEATLES DRUMMER PETE BEST AND THE LOS ANGELES KINGS HAVE IN COMMON?
Neither could keep proper time.
WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE NFL, MAJOR LEAUGE BASEBALL, AND THE NHL?
Aside from the odd bad weather game, both the NFL and Major League Baseball play their games on perfectly manicured playing surfaces to enhance the player's skill level. Meanwhile, the NHL plays most of its games in multi-purpose arenas with horrible, awful, lousy ice that reduces the player's skill level noticeably.
WHY DOES A PUCK OFF THE MESH REQUIRE A STOPPAGE IN PLAY?
Further to the above, a typical NHL game has dozens of bad puck bounces happening because of the lousy ice. Pucks sometime take weird bounces coming of the protective glass. Pucks don’t always come off the boards the way you would expect them too. So why is it that a puck that drops off the protective netting – behind both nets – requires a sudden stoppage in play?
WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THE HANGING LACES?
For many hockey players, it is cool to replace the standard laces found on the front of hockey pants, with the much longer skate laces that hang down and flop around as the player skates up and down the ice. Are we missing something here? This is the NHL, not Ned’s Pizza against Harold’s Hardware. Time to get the scissors out.
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TIME FOR A BREAK
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posted
on Wed. Jan. 25, 2012
SHOULD PRESIDENT OBAMA HAVE BEEN OFFENDED WHEN BRUIN GOALIE TIM THOMAS REFUSED TO JOIN HIS TEAMMATES FOR A STANLEY CUP CELEBRATION AT THE WHITE HOUSE?
Not as much as his teammates should have been. More than anything, hockey is a team sport. Snubbing your teammates to make some kind of political statement that had…oh… zero impact on anyone, shows that success has gone to Thomas’ head. Our guess is that Obama never even heard of Thomas going into the event, and will have forgotten about him two minutes after it was over.
HAS PENGUIN CHEAP SHOT SPECIALIST MATT COOKE REALLY REFORMED?
Sort of. The old Matt Cooke would lay someone out illegally and walk away with zero remorse. When the new Matt Cooke hands out a cheap shot, he holds his hands out afterwards to signify phony remorse, while pleading innocence at the same time. This has to be considered progress.
DOES THE NEW NHL ALL-STAR GAME FORMAT THAT FEATURES A DRAFT OF PLAYERS, MAKE FOR COMPELLING MUST-SEE TELEVISION?
Only if the Weather Channel is off the air, and the History of the Ant documentary is unavailable.
DO ALL NHL PLAYERS FLY DOWN SOUTH FOR SOME FUN-IN-THE-SUN DURING THE ALL-STAR BREAK?
Most do, but others prefer to visit family back in their hometown. And then there are those that just want to kick back and stay right where they are….
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SO OBVIOUS
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posted
on Tues. Jan. 17, 2012
If the Toronto Maple Leafs collapse and miss the playoffs, where will they have gone wrong?
Here’s seven situations that Brian Burke and Ron Wilson will never admit exists:
Nazem Kadri: Since the day they drafted this highly skilled forward they have done nothing but try to put him in his place. While other teams have drafted far less talented forwards, put them in the lineup, and let them be what they are, the Maple Leafs are playing this stupid game of trying to make Kadri the next Mike Brown. He is what he is. If you don’t have a need for such a player, then don’t draft him to begin with.
Luke Schenn: While Kadri is vilified and sent to the minors every time he turns the puck over, Schenn is given carte blanche to screw up at will, with zero repercussions. Rarely has their been a first-round defenceman so lacking in vision and hockey sense. Any opponent wanting to score an easy goal only needs to stand behind Schenn near the Leaf net. He’s so busy staring at the puck he has no idea where his man is. As NHL game speed continues to increase year after year, Schenn’s lack of speed is becoming more and more a liability.
Carl Gunnarsson: What the hell is this guy doing on the power play – even once? And why was he on the ice when the Leafs had their goalie pulled recently? Zero hockey sense, zero puck skills, and a shot that is as feeble as they come.
Dion Phaneuf: Another waste on the power play. Shots at the net this year: 212,245. Shots on net this year: 6. Phaneuf hasn’t figured out that you can’t win a puck battle with one hand on your stick, and apparently Wilson has no interest in telling him.
James Reimer: Not sure why he even wears a catching glove. Easily the worst glove hand in the NHL. He doesn’t even try to catch it. His only hope to make a save is to be well out at the top of his crease. For most of this year, he has been hiding back on the goal line, waving up at Brian Burke in the press box, thanking him for a big contract based on last year’s half a season of good work.
Mike Komisarek: Too slow, brutal puck handling skills, one of the worst passers in hockey history. Other than that he is golden.
Darryl Boyce: The team that was going to be all truculence and testosterone is so devoid of toughness, Wilson heralds him as the next Bob Gainey every time he runs into someone, or a stray puck bounces off his shinpad. The guy is painfully slow, with hands of stone. He loves to chirp after whistles, but he has never dropped his gloves in over two years of NHL hockey.
Would Leaf brass admit to any of the above list? Never. Do all of these problems exist? Every one of them.
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NO WAY OF KNOWING
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posted
on Sun. Jan. 8, 2012
DO THE BOSTON BRUINS HAVE THE BEST GOALIE IN THE NHL?
No way of knowing. The fact that their backup goalie, Tuukka Rask, has slightly better numbers than playoff MVP Tim Thomas, suggests the Bruins stingy defensive record has more to do with the skaters, than the keepers.
IS THE NHL OFFICIATING STAFF THE BEST OR WORST AMONGST ALL THE MAJOR SPORTS?
No way of knowing. But after watching them botch the Krys Barch suspension in Florida earlier this week, and then watching them botch the Milan Lucic ejection in Boston yesterday, it is clear they are all in a big rush to please someone in the NHL head office. The NHL is quite willing to release videos on a daily basis, detailing everything the players do wrong, but won’t come clean re: discipline for their own staff.
WAS NHL DEPUTY COMMISSIONER BILL DALY BEING REASONABLE, WHEN HE CALLED THE NHL PLAYERS ASSOCIATION "UNREASONABLE" FOR REFUSING TO ENDORSE THE NEW NHL REALIGNMENT PLAN?
No way of knowing. But according to Toronto Star writer Damien Cox, the NHL didn’t need player approval to move forward. “Theoretically, the league could have gone ahead anyway, and then let the union grieve the issue. But it chose not to, putting realignment on hold until a new CBA is negotiated,” wrote Cox. The fact the NHL didn’t move forward suggests Daly is crying crocodile tears. Again.
WAS TORONTO GM BRIAN BURKE ACCURATE WHEN HE MUSED THAT "THE RATS" WERE ABOUT TO TAKE OVER THE GAME?
No way of knowing. His timing certainly was good. Burke went into his rat rant only a few days before the NHL put Alex Burrows, Maxime Lapierre and Brad Marchand on the ice at the same time. Before it was over, Burrows had initiated a major scuffle by cheapshoting a Bruin on his way to the bench, Marchand had been ejected for a low-brige cheapshot on a Canuck, and Lapierre hung on for dear life, waiting for the linesmen to save him, when forced to duke it out with Gregory Campbell. If the rats haven’t taken over yet, they won’t have to wait much longer before doing so.
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WHAT'S WITH THIS WORLD?
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posted
on Wed. Dec. 21, 2011
What’s with this world? Can’t a hockey player take his clothes off without it coming back to haunt him? Check this link out.
What’s with this world? Colton Orr the next Tebow? Check this link out.
What's with this world? The Hockey News puts together an all-mustache all-star team?
Check this link out.
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NINE TROUBLING QUESTIONS
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posted
on Thurs. Dec. 15, 2011
Nine questions sent out to our agents today for follow up:
Aside from the much-hated Vancouver Canucks, is there another player in the NHL upset with Chicago’s David Bolland, for referring to the Sedin twins as the Sedin sisters?
Is it true that former Calgary GM Darryl Sutter has refused to speak with his brother Brent since being fired by the Flames last year?
Is there a more boring personality in hockey than Montreal GM Pierre “Chuckles” Gauthier?
Should Tampa Bay coach Guy Boucher be stripped of the genius tag he was awarded after his first five seconds in the NHL?
Who do hockey beat writers feel the need to invent a “goalie controversy” whenever a backup steals the show for a week or two?
If Tim Tebow can become an NFL star despite not being able to throw a football, can San Jose Shark defenceman Douglas Murray become an NHL star despite not being able to skate?
Is it karma when the king of cheap shot stick work, Chris Pronger, is sidelined for the season because of an errant stick?
Don Cherry, Jeremy Roenick, Gary Bettman. If you’re putting together a list of talkative people that always tell the truth, which one doesn’t fit?
If the Minnesota Wild can lead the NHL with a lousy roster, shouldn’t teams start hiring lousy scouts?
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OKAY, WHO STOLE MY WHEELS?
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posted
on Mon. Dec. 5, 2011
WAS BUFFALO’S COACH, LINDY RUFF, ACCURATE WHEN HE DECLARED THAT THE NHL’S NON-ACTION AGAINST BOSTON’S MILAN LUCIC, WOULD SEND A SIGNAL TO SKATERS THAT IT IS NOW OPEN SEASON ON GOALIES?
Apparently so, no sooner did Buffalo goalie Ryan Miller return from the injured list, than Nashville’s Jordin Tootoo opted to run him. Tootoo tried to suggest he had no choice, and that the hit was unavoidable. We say you don’t try and avoid someone by jumping in the air while targeting their head. If the NHL was smart they would sit Tootoo down with a suspension of two-two or three-three games in length.
IS ESPN LOOKING FOR A NEW HOCKEY ANALYST?
Not sure, but it would probably be a good idea. It looks like the wheels have fallen off of current analyst Matthew Barnaby’s career. Only a few months after being arrested following a domestic problem, Barnaby was pulled over by police this past weekend for driving his vehicle with only 3 wheels attached. One would have to think that the driving while intoxicated charge is going to be difficult to defeat in court.
ISN’T A COACHING CHANGE SUPPOSED TO JOLT A TEAM INTO AN IMMEDIATE, THOUGH OFTEN BRIEF, WINNING STREAK?
That’s usually the way it works. When NHL teams saw Ken Hitchcock walk into St. Louis, and spark the Blues to a nice turnaround, several other teams made the move as well. Washington dumped a nice guy to bring in a nasty guy. Anaheim dumped a nasty guy to bring in a nice guy. And Carolina dumped a coach they had hired and fired once before. Three new coaches; ten games played; zero regulation time wins; two overtime wins; and 8 losses. While these stats won’t make the General Managers involved overly happy, we have to believe that Kevin Dineen is breathing a sigh of relief in Columbus. His job is hanging by a thread. Watching these other teams stumble with new coaches might extend his stay until after Christmas. The Blue Jackets have a huge five game homestand coming up. This is undoubtedly last call for Dineen.
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SIDNEY'S DOUBLE STANDARD
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posted
on Mon. Nov. 28, 2011
IS SIDNEY CROSBY A HYPOCRITE?
While sitting in dry dock, waiting for his head to return to planet Earth, Sidney Crosby was outspoken about getting headshots out of the game.
"As players we're professionals, and the odd time maybe there's accidental contact, but for the most part we can control what goes on out there, If a guy's got to be responsible with his stick, why shouldn't he be responsible with the rest of his body when he's going to hit someone? Whether it's accidental or not accidental, you've got to be responsible out there, and like I said, at the end of the day, it could do a lot more good than what it's going to take away from the game."
That may have been a classic case of “do as I say, not as I do.” Only one week into his return to active duty, Crosby was involved in an altercation with Ottawa’s Nick Foligno. After a series of rapid-fire crosschecks to Foligno’s back, Crosby finished the dual off with a high-flying elbow (some say butt-end) to Foligno’s head.
Crosby seemed to think that was all okay because Foligno had been running the Penguins goalie. “"I think he's blowing it totally out of proportion," said Crosby. "Two nights before that I go into a scrum and I get punched in the head. I accept that. I'm going into a scrum that's part of playing the game."
Sidney Crosby has often been criticized for being bland and boring, unwillinging to take a stand on any issue. Finally, we have a handle on where Crosby stands on head shots. According to Crosby, anyone who attempts to hit him in the head should be dealt with harshly. However, should anyone run interference on his goalie, full-blown headshots are more than acceptable. Got it.
WHAT’S WITH THE NEW YORK CAMERA ANGLES?
New York is supposed to be the media capital of the world. Everything is supposed to be state-of-the-art and first class. How then, do the New York Rangers justify the worst camera angles in hockey broadcast history? Is the camera man standing on top of the Empire State building? The players look like ants running around at a picnic.
For our money, the best camera location for NHL hockey belongs to the Dallas Stars. Their main camera angle is clearly several rows lower than the standard used in most Canadian arenas. And what a difference those few extra feet make. Watching NHL players race up and down the ice in Dallas makes the viewer feel like they are sitting in the best seats in the house. The camera is low enough and close enough to actually determine things like height differential, yet deep enough to still see an entire zone at once.
Arena owners in New York just spent a zillion dollars refurbishing Madison Square Garden. Surely an improved camera location could have been part of that remake.
WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A HOCKEY GAME AND A BASKETBALL GAME?
Prior to the start of a basketball game, the players get together to share some last minute hugs with their opponents. Hockey players just sneer at each other and get ready to drop the gloves. Basketball players don’t fight each other, although they have been know to crawl in the stands to brawl with the fans.
WHAT’S UP WITH THAT?
Major League Baseball games aren’t satisfied with just one national anthem. Many teams feel the need to stop the game during the seventh inning for a God Bless America session as well. Somehow, I can’t see hockey players lining up at the blueline prior to the start of the third period for another sing-a-long
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EDDIE! EDDIE!
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posted
on Mon. Nov. 21, 2011
DOES THE CBC’S JIM HUGHSON AND CRAIG SIMPSON ACTUALLY WATCH THE GAME THEY ARE BROADCASTING?
Their ridiculous all-night-long focus on the slumping Alex Ovechkin, on Hockey Night in Canada last Saturday, was way over the top. The media continues to try and force a Boudreau/Ovechkin conflict story, not because it’s true, but because it attracts attention and sells newspapers. As Hughson/Simpson went on at length about Ovechkin not playing with any fire in his belly, he fired eight excellent shots on goal against Toronto on Saturday night. He was clearly the best Caps player on the ice. If he performs like that every night, his stats will return to previous levels in no time. Not that Hughson or Simpson will notice. They’re too busy spewing nonsense.
WANT A POWER PLAY?
If I’m an NHL player, and my team is down by a goal late in the 3rd period, I’m going to manufacture a power play opportunity for my team. I will cut a small nick into the shaft of my one-piece stick just above the blade, and wait for the stick to explode the very first time an opponent’s stick makes contact with it. The brainless referee will then raise his hand and issue a slashing penalty to my opponent. Guaranteed. There was a time when a slashing penalty was based on the severity of the slash, and the referee's own judgement. Not any more. If a stick breaks, it’s power play time.
DID ED BELFOUR NOT GET THE MEMO?
When the Hockey Hall of Fame staff told Ed Belfour he would be honoured at centre ice at Toronto’s Air Canada Centre prior to the Leafs/Senators game, did they forget to tell him that there would be people in the stands, and a nation-wide television audience watching? To say that “Eddie! Eddie!” was a tad bit underdressed would be an understatement. Which begs the question: If this is Eddie’s idea of dressing up, what does his casual outfit look like?
ARE NEW YORK COACHES ALLOWED TO SMILE?
The New York Rangers went into Montreal on Saturday night riding the wave of a six game winning streak, before losing a 4-0 clunker to the Habs. Anyone watching Ranger’s sourpuss coach John Tortorella’s post-game meet-the-press session might have thought the Rangers had just lost six in a row. Not to be outdone, Jack Capuano, head coach of the underwhelming New York Islanders brought his best crabby face along to his press conference as well. After doing a bit of the standard “we didn’t work hard enough” whining, Capuano was caught off-guard when asked, “what can you do about it?” The look on Capuano’s face was priceless. Clearly, he had no answer, even after giving one.
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THE BEST JOB IN HOCKEY
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posted
on Fri. Nov. 11, 2011
WHO HAS THE BEST JOB IN HOCKEY?
Maple Leaf enforcer Colton Orr wins that award, hands down. Orr has been a healthy scratch for 14 of 16 games so far this season. He has played just over eight minutes of hockey this year. In return, he gets to maintain his rock star status in hockey-mad Toronto and pull in a cool $1-million per year doing so. Should this trend continue all season long, Orr will be pulling in $25,000 per minute of ice time. Gotta love it. Up the ice, down the ice, over to the bench, grab $25,000. Thank you very much.
Maple Leaf GM Brian Burke can’t be happy. Not only is his main tough guy sitting in the stands, number-two enforcer Jay Rosehill has been scratched eleven times to date. With Orr and Rosehill in the lineup last year on a regular basis, the Maple Leafs floundered and missed the playoffs. With an all-pacifist lineup in place this year, Toronto is challenging for first place overall. So much for Burke’s top-six-bottom six blueprint.
Which begs the question: Will Maple Leaf coach Ron Wilson get the contract extension he wants, after proving his boss wrong on how to ice a winning lineup?
HOW LONG DID IT TAKE FANS TO REALIZE THE FLYERS WERE PURPOSELY STALLING?
The Philadelphia Flyers were so angry about Tampa Bay’s 1-3-1 neutral zone formation, they were purposely stalling in their own end, trying to bait the Lightning to come and chase them. It took fans a bit of time to realize that, because Flyers defenceman Chris Pronger was handling the puck the most. He moves that slow all the time, so no one was the wiser. It looked like any other Flyer breakout involving Pronger.
Let’s hope other sports don’t adopt similar stall tactics. Can’t you just see New England QB Tom Brady taking the snap from centre, dropping back in the pocket to throw, and then just standing there holding the ball? His receivers don’t move an inch. Meanwhile Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis goes down on one knee, and adjusts his shoelaces, patiently waiting for Brady to make the first move.
Even worse would be baseball. Phillies’ ace pitcher Roy Halliday looks into the batter’s box, takes the signal from his catcher, nods his head in approval, and then just stands there, continuing to nod. And nod. And nod.
SHOULD THE NHL AND NFL MAKE A TRADE?
NHL players are always complaining that when the weather gets warm in the spring, the puck never stops bouncing. NFL punters are always complaining that when the weather gets cold, the ball gets hard, heavy and won’t bounce. The solution to both problems seems rather obvious. Use footballs instead of pucks and vice-versa. Okay, so it’s a slow news day.
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WHAT'S THE SKINNY ABOUT A FAT COACH?
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posted
on Fri. Nov. 4, 2011
Why is TSN’s Darren Dreger on the air? Never has anyone said so much, without ever saying anything. His annoying habit of asking himself a question every time he speaks is downright weird. Does he sit in front of a mirror at home and hold conversations with himself?
What’s the big deal about Minnesota’s Cal Clutterbuck accidentally punching a linesman in the face? How many times have you seen a linesman accidentally throw a player to the ice, in an attempt to gain control, when breaking up a fight? What goes around comes around.
Are the San Jose Sharks soft? When the Sharks ended up a long road trip, by losing to the New York Rangers, Shark’s captain Joe Thornton described the Rangers as the softest team they had played on the trip. In the Sharks next game, at home against Pittsburgh, they went penalty free.
Does Shark’s goalkeeper Antti Niemi have any nieces or nephews in his family? If so, do they call him Uncle Antti?
Is New Jersey’s Martin Brodeur the greatest goalie in NHL history? If not, he has to be close. Which begs the question: Why does every butterfly-style-loving goalie coach - working in professional and amateur hockey - teach their players NOT to play like Brodeur.
Why is the “benching” of Washington’s Alex Ovechkin such a big controversy? First of all, sitting out two shifts is hardly a major benching. Secondly, the strategy worked. With Ovechkin sitting on the bench, mumbling about how fat his coach is, the Caps got the late goal they needed to force overtime. And that’s the skinny on that one.
Speaking of skinny, why is Columbus Blue Jackets president Mike Priest following former Jackets’ coach Ken Hitchcock around like a lost puppy? Hitchcock spent four years there, never finished higher than fourth in their division, and never won a single playoff round. This year Columbus is one of the lowest scoring teams in the NHL. Why would Priest want to bring back a coach famous for a defensive system that would surely reduce scoring even further?
Hands up, all those who predicted we would be one month into the season, and see Toronto and Edmonton battling for first overall, while Detroit, Vancouver and Boston floundered in pursuit of a playoff spot. Anyone with their hands up in the air right now… is lying.
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JUST WONDERING
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posted
on Tues. Oct. 25, 2011
CAN READERS OF THE HOCKEY NEWS BE DESCRIBED AS HOCKEY EXPERTS?
Apparently not. In a pre-season poll Hockey News readers cast ballots re: who would be the first NHL coach fired. Toronto’s Ron Wilson topped the list at 33%. Washington’s Bruce Boudreau was second at 17%, while Colorado coach Joe Sacco was third choice at 14%. As of today, those three coaches have a combined record of 18 wins, 4 losses, and 1 overtime loss.
SHOULD WESTERN CONFERENCE TEAMS BE WORRIED ABOUT THE EDMONTON OILERS?
Absolutely. They have two potential superstars on their roster. The scary thing is that unlike Washington, where their star players don’t mesh well together, Taylor Hall and Ryan Nugent-Hopkins make the perfect match. Hall is the speedy power forward that craves the puck and scores naturally, while Nugent-Hopkins is a pass-first, playmaking genius, who might be the first in NHL history to attempt a pass on a penalty shot. They’re already dangerous now. Once they reach puberty, the rest of the conference is going to have problems.
IS CHICAGO’S DECISION TO PLAY PATRICK KANE AT CENTRE A BREATHTAKING DECISION?
Yes. When he has the puck on his stick, his opponents hold their breath hoping he won’t dangle his way to a highlight goal. When he doesn’t have the puck, it’s the Blackhawks’ coaches and goalies that are holding their breath.
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NHL REALIGNMENT PROPOSAL REVEALED
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posted
on Wed. Oct. 19, 2011
Hockey Spy.com sent a dozen agents out on assignment to dig up answers to a myriad of important questions. We could tell you how they dig up the answers so fast, but then we would have to kill you. So read on, but upon completion, say nothing to no one.
What are NHL players whining about this week? Our agents tell us its all about hitting disappearing from the game? If they love hitting so much, why has it become standard procedure to start a brawl every time a big hit happens? Can’t have it both ways.
Do people in Columbus celebrate Halloween sooner than the rest of North America? Apparently so. Just last week, over 8,000 Blue Jackets fans showed up disguised as empty seats.
Can Don Cherry be intimidated? On the ice: no. Off the ice: yes. Cherry goes on a major rant about former enforcers. Cherry refuses to apologize. Three former enforcers muse out loud about a possible lawsuit. Cherry apologizes. Do the math.
Is it true that Canuck goofball Maxime Lapierre took boxing lessons during the summer of 2010? Yes. After watching his recent fight against Red Wing’s Justin Abdelkader he should demand a refund.
Should new Flyer’s winger Jaromir Jagr invest in a new electric razor? Only if he wants to stop looking like he’s 80 years old.
What makes the Canucks Ryan Kesler laugh the most? Nothing.
Who is the bravest man in the NHL? The first Pittsburgh Penguin player to hit Sidney Crosby at practice, now that he has been cleared for contact.
Would NHL conference realignment help the Toronto Maple Leafs end their six-year playoff drought? Maybe yes, maybe no. Hockey Spy.com has learned that the Leafs have submitted a new conference proposal to NHL headquarters. Many believe the new setup would all but guarantee the Leafs a coveted top eight spot.
NEW WESTERN CONFERENCE:
Detroit,
Dallas,
Colorado,
Anaheim,
Minnesota,
Phoenix,
Chicago,
Los Angeles,
Edmonton,
Vancouver,
Nashville,
St. Louis,
San Jose,
Calgary,
Boston,
Washington,
Pittsburgh,
Buffalo,
Philadelphia,
Carolina,
New York Rangers,
New Jersey
NEW EASTERN CONFERENCE:
Florida,
Columbus,
Tampa Bay,
Montreal,
Winnipeg,
Ottawa,
New York Islanders,
Toronto
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TEN CRITICAL OPENING WEEK QUESTIONS
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posted
on Wed. Oct. 12, 2011
How many pained looks can New York Rangers coach John Tortorella come up with during a three-hour hockey game? We lost count after the first fifty or so. The loss of defenceman Marc Staal is probably responsible for half of them. We’d hate to see him when he’s constipated.
Did the Devils name Zach Parise team captain because he is the best leader in the dressing room, or as a way of sucking up to him with free agency looming?
Did Ottawa’s Zenon Konopka challenge Toronto’s pint-sized forward Mike Brown, early in last week’s game, to avoid having to take on Colton Orr later in that game? The way he hung on for dear life against Brown suggests two things: Yes, he did pick his spot, and....it was a wise decision.
Has the NHL given any thought to introducing The Jason Spezza Trophy – awarding it to the player that leads the league in turnovers each year?
Would you buy a used car from Philly GM Paul Holmgren? The Canadiens pounced on forward Blair Betts when the Flyers put him on waivers, only to return him back to Philadelphia as damaged goods. NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman says that both teams acted in good faith. Not possible.
Has Boston goalie Tuukka Rask learned his lesson? After repeatedly showing up his teammates when scored upon, Bruins coach Claude Julien gave him a front row seat for the balance of last season, while the popular Tim Thomas etched his place in hockey history. It's called karma.
Are teams like Columbus, Nashville, Florida, and Minnesota really in the league? We hear about these non-descript franchises on occasion, we use their rosters to make a late-round hockey pool pick on occasion, and their names come up frequently when we discuss the NHL’s equalization plan. But we can’t remember ever seeing them actually play a game.
Should NHL scouts be worried about job security? The Buffalo Sabres were mocked for several years when they reduced their scouting staff in favour of the scout-by-video model. Yet, the long list of excellent Sabre draft picks continues to grow. Rookie forward Luke Adam is just the latest example. How could so many teams with eyeballs in the crowd miss out on Sabre defenceman Tyler Myers? A lot of scouts wish they had a rewind button for that draft.
Would you walk a mile in Lightning defenceman Mattias Ohlund’s shoes? Not likely. If nothing else this guy is thorough. He’s having orthroscopic surgery done on BOTH knees. Ouch.
Would you pay to watch a back-up goalie back-up? Washington’s Thomas Vokoun didn’t realize he was the back-up goalie for the Caps opening game, until it was too late. By then he had already flown in his parents, his wife, his two daughters, along with some friends from Florida, to see the season opener. Hopefully the popcorn was good.
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PLAYOFF RACE TIGHTENS UP
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posted
on Fri. Oct. 7, 2011
Following last night’s NHL action, our agents have been sent out to seek answers to some very important questions:
While Pittsburgh, Toronto and Philadelphia sit comfortably on top of the Eastern Conference, there is a 12-way tie for the remaining five playoff spots, with only 82 games remaining. Meanwhile we see Vancouver sitting alone at the top of the Western Conference with one point, followed by a 14-way tie for the remaining seven playoff spots. Talk about parity! Which teams are best positioned to secure these coveted playoff spots as we enter the stretch drive?
With two goals last night, Pittsburgh’s Matt Cooke has a firm hold on the Rocket Richard trophy (most goals in regular season play). The last bad boy to suddenly see the light and convert to niceness was the Blackhawk’s Stan Mikita. Is it possible that Cooke can also secure the Lady Byng award for sportsmanship? He hasn’t paid a single visit to the sin bin all season long.
Will Maple Leaf’s goalie James Reimer win the Vezina trophy awarded to the NHL’s top goalie? Reimer has gone the entire season without allowing a single goal, which is undoubtedly the main reason his Leaf team has yet to be beat this year.
Will Don Cherry apologize to Brendan Shanahan for his wild rant last night? Amongst other things, Cherry fumed over the crackdown on head shots and the increased suspensions Shanahan has delivered all season long. The players are obviously getting the message. There hasn’t been a single fight this entire season.
How long will Tampa Bay’s sniper Steve Stamkos go without scoring a goal? Granted, he hasn’t played a game yet, but those kinds of excuses are for losers. Stamkos just inked a huge new contract. It’s time he started earning it
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LOUSY SINGERS
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posted
on Fri. Sept. 30, 2011
DO NATIONAL ANTHEMS HAVE TO START WITH THE WORD OH?
Before every NHL game we have to listen to some singer blurt out “Oh, Canada…”, or “Oh, say can you see…”, to which we here at Hockey Spy.com always say “Oh, no. Not that again.” I’m sure the real patriotic types on both sides of the border will recoil in horror, but the idea of dumping the pre-game anthem ritual seems reasonable to us. Failing that, a small alteration might spice things up. Rather than hold auditions in search of talented singers, as many NHL teams do, why not seek out really bad singers, and let them go to town butchering these songs 41 times per year in each NHL arena? Talk about a water-cooler topic the next morning!
WHY IS THE NHL FORCING ALL TEAMS TO PLACE PLAYER NUMBERS ON THE FRONT OF THEIR HELMETS?
Supposedly to help referees and broadcasters identify players. Back when NHL players played without helmets this was never a challenge. You knew the flowing locks were Lafleur’s, the flat-top brushcut was Dave Keon’s and the bald head belonged to Gary Bergman, without waiting to see a number. Lucky Gary Bettman wasn’t around back then. Bobby Hull would have looked like a real dufus with a giant 9 stenciled on his forhead. Compare this new rule to Bettman's insistence that NHL referees no longer wear their names on the back of their sweaters. Obviously they want us to be well informed on which player wore the goat horns for giving the puck away in overtime, but don't want us to know which official just made a brutal call that totally altered the outcome of the game. Identification on a need to know basis.
IS THERE A MORE USELESS STAT THAN WINS BY A GOALKEEPER?
Put a talented goalkeeper behind a strong lineup and that goalie will win more often than not. Put that same goalie on the worst team in the league and he will rarely win. Roberto Luongo's last four years as a Florida Panther saw him win 96 games. His first four seasons as a Vancouver Canuck resulted in 155 wins. Same goalie. Vastly different numbers. When we hear "experts" debating a goalie's worthiness for all-star berths and hall of fame memberships based on win totals, we're really hearing someone admit they are anything but an expert.
SHOULD A GM BE ALLOWED TO FIRE A COACH?
Firing coaches is epidemic in sports, but especially so in the NHL. Time and time again, we see charlatan General Managers hand their coaches a roster full of stiffs, only to turn around the dump the coach when a coveted playoff spot goes elsewhere. This is akin to letting a chef fire the waiter because the Upside Down cake was served right side up.
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THANK GOODNESS THE VERIFICATION LINE IS HERE
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posted
on Wed. Sep. 21, 2011
DO HOCKEY FANS LOVE LISTS, TOO?
Newspaper and magazine publishers all agree that their readers love lists. Next time you’re standing at a check-out counter with nothing to do – as if there’s a lot to do in a check-out line – have a look at the magazine covers for teaser headlines re: some kind of list.
Hockey Spy.com couldn’t help but notice that the Hockey News is using DeWalt to sponsor a feature called Top 5 Toughest Moments in Hockey. Each week the “tough” list changes from 5 Toughest Teams, to 5 Toughest Coaches, to 5 Toughest Europeans (if there is 5) etc.
Not bad, but with all due respect to the bible of hockey, there are other hockey-related lists that they and others have overlooked for some reason. As a result, our agents will be spanning out across all 30 NHL cities this season in search of the following:
Top 5 Ugliest Players, Top 5 Whiners, Top 5 Moustaches, Top 5 Singers-in-the-Shower, Top 5 Worst-Singers-in-the-Shower, Top 5 Party Animals, Top 5 Cheapskates, Top 5 Foul-Mouthed Skaters, Top 5 Foul-Mouthed Coaches, Top 5 Worst Dressers, and Top 5 Adulterers.
SHOULD THE NHL BAN DOUBLE-BARRELLED NAMES?
You know – names like Smith-Jones, Johnson-Brown or Hockee-Spie. NHL play-by-play announcers fear these long surnames for obvious reasons. As the speed of the game continues to increase each year, these shinny blabber-mouths have less time and space to keep their listeners up with the play. Bringing in these elongated surnames eats up precious half-seconds. It won’t be long now until the NHL’s 2011 first-overall selection, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins, is a regular with the Edmonton Oilers. As this double-surname trend continues to grow, the NHL will one day see rosters full of double-barrelled names like Mike Green-Brown, Tuomo Ruutu-Tootoo, Ryan Smyth-Smith, David Bolland-Aulie, Mike Fisher-Hunter, Brian Little-Boyes, Brent Sutter-Suter and Mark Eaton-Umberger.
CAN THE VERIFICATION LINE BE VERIFIED?
The NHL has announced the verification line is here to stay. A new green line will be painted behind the red goal line in each net. Should replay cameras show the puck touching the green line, it is a certainty that the puck has completely crossed the red goal line, even if the goal line can’t be seen. When you consider that an NHL home team defends one end of the rink for 40 minutes per game, and the other end only 20 minutes each night, would a desperate home team roll the dice - altering the verification line distances - to make goals harder to come by at one end, and easier to come by at the other end? Just asking.
It could be a factor in the shootout, for sure. Perhaps the league will hire verification line verificators in each NHL city. Let’s hope experience isn’t a prerequisite for the job.
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WHAT'S IN A COLOUR?
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posted
on Wed. Sep. 14, 2011
IS THERE A LINK BETWEEN HOCKEY FIGHTS AND LIFE-THREATENING DEPRESSION? With two zillion hockey experts now working in the media, and zero hockey games happening at this time of year, it shouldn’t be a big surprise that many of these pundits are weighing in on the deaths of three NHL enforcers this summer. Media members that belong to the anti-fighting club are trying to draw a connection between punches to the head and depression.
Boston Bruin enforcer Shawn Thornton has apparently heard enough and had enough: “It kind of pisses me off that people take this opportunity to try and exploit a certain part of the game. I think those are very, very sad instances, but I also think exploiting them for a part of the game isn’t the right way to go.”
We understand where Thornton is coming from. With fighting in the game, his paycheque comes from the Boston Bruins. Take fighting out of the game and his next paycheque comes from Boston Pizza.
IS JOHN TAVARES AN ALMOST-BUST? This guy was supposed to be the next great superstar. The Ontario Hockey League granted him early entry into major junior hockey. A lot of NHL General Managers racked up large cell phone bills trying to pry the 2009 first overall pick away from the Islanders. At the time of the draft, Tavares was projected to be an absolute elite, similar to Crosby, Ovechkin and Stamkos. While first-year stats for all rookies can be forgiven, it’s interesting to note that in year two, Tavares only put up 67 points. In his second season in the NHL, Sidney Crosby racked up 120 points. Stamkos came in with 95 points. Ovechkin had a huge 106 point rookie year and a 92 point sophomore season.
While the other three can flat out fly on the ice, Tavares’ skating may hold him back from the elite category. If Tavares aspires to win an NHL scoring crown one day, he can either work on his skating skills, or find himself a long-lost identical twin brother named Henrik.
WAS THE COLOUR PURPLE THE REASON THE LOS ANGELES KINGS UNDERACHIEVED LAST SEASON? The Kings have dumped the colour purple from their 2011-2012 uniforms, reverting back to the black and white look that Wayne Gretzky made famous. The Kings started out in 1967 with purple road jerseys and puke yellow - yes yellow, not gold as they claim - home jerseys. For a short period of time they actually wore laughable yellow hockey pants as well. Their team picture looked like a Chiquita Banana advertisement. Modest changes to logo locations and stripes were made along the way. In 1980, they went with the full-length vertical shoulder stripes that became popular in the late '70's. For some reason, none of these changes delivered a Stanley Cup to L.A.
When Gretzky arrived in 1988, King’s owner Bruce McNall made the dramatic switch to black and white uniforms. Interestingly enough, this was the same colour combination McNall wore each day while serving time in jail. With Gretzky around, the team became a contender, briefly, attracking celebrity support along the way, but they never did win it all. In 1998 – with Gretzky long gone - the Kings made the switch to purple and black. Once again the team floundered, the full-house crowds disappeared, and the team spent most of the last decade in the red.
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EUROPEAN HOCKEY UNIFORMS
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posted
on Mon. Sep. 5, 2011
Hockey Spy.com’s agents were busy over the Labour Day weekend, tracking down answers to three more critical hockey issues:
WHEN IS A HOCKEY UNIFORM LIKE A RACE CAR? The answer is obvious: only when it is a European hockey uniform – the ones plastered with sponsors logos from head to toe - featuring logos on the helmet; at least three more across the upper chest and neck area of the sweater; a couple more on the shoulders; and at least one of the back of the sweater. The pants usually look like the Walmart flyer that is inserted into your daily newspaper with logos plastered everywhere. And of course, no uniform is complete without logos on the hockey socks as well. For advertisers, there is always a risk. No one wants to be associated with a loser. If a race car performs badly, a newly-installed engine can make both the car and the advertiser look good again. Short of a heart transplant, or installation of bionic hands, a lousy hockey player will remain a lousy hockey player. Hockey Spy.com has sent its agents out to round up pictures of the worst of the worst Euro uniforms. Photos will follow later this fall.
WHEN DID GOAL CELEBRATIONS FIRST INCLUDE THE PLAYERS BENCH? When Rocket Richard scored a goal he celebrated with his on-ice mates and returned to centre ice for the faceoff. When Bobby Hull scored a goal, he would do the same. Today, when Joe Nobody, or any other NHL player, pops in a goal, all five on-ice participants engage in a brief celebration, before breaking off into a single file line that travels in front of their team bench, exchanging high-fives along the way with each teammate. The person scoring the goal gets to lead the parade. It would be interesting to know not only which team was the first to adopt this ritual on a fulltime basis, but also what year it became a league-wide ritual. Most people just turned on their televisions one day and there it was. No questions asked. Our agents will leave no stone unturned as they seek out the answer.
WHY ARE HOCKEY PLAYERS NOW CALLED PIECES? Okay, we get it. Each player on the roster is a piece of the puzzle. Hearing a coach or GM use that analogy on occasion is bearable. Sadly, the media have grabbed hold of this buzzword as they try to prove they are cool. In this case: hockey cool. Thanks to texting and Twitter, most cool buzzwords these days are abbreviations. Does a seven-letter word (players) really need a six-letter (pieces) abbreviation? Our agents are on the prowl with instructions to neutralize the next media person caught referring to players as pieces.
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MIKITA COUNTER-SUES THE GREAT GAZOO.
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posted
on Tues. Aug. 30, 2011
WOULD TWO-TIME VEZINA TROPHY WINNER (BEST GOALKEEPER) LORNE WORSLEY BE ABLE TO PLAY IN THE NHL TODAY? If you were an NHL General Manager and your head scout suggested that you draft a five-foot seven-inch goalkeeper, with a rounded pot-belly, a face and crew cut that resembled George Gobel, and who answered to the name Gump, would you seek a second opinion?
DO NHL PLAYERS REALLY NEED A TEAM-PAID PER DIEM WHEN ON THE ROAD? With the minimum salary sitting at $525,000 and most players that can walk and chew gum at the same time earning millions per year, do players really need to be subsidized $85.00 per day, in food money, to jumpstart their poker game ante? Knowing how generous NHL owners are, if the per diem cost was eliminated for them, ticket prices would likely drop 0% next year. These owners are always looking out for the fans’ best interest.
ARE NHL ENFORCERS LOOKING TO HAVE THEIR OWN UNION CERTIFIED?
Picture a negotiating team made up of retired vets Dave Shultz, and Tie Domi along with current pugilists George Parros, and Shawn Thornton. Staring them down across the negotiating table would be big bad 5’ 7” Gary Bettman. Union demands would include: removal of the instigator rule; cut-men installed in the penalty box to control bleeding, and scantily clad woman walking around the ice holding message cards following each and every on-ice bout. Union members would be required to drop the gloves at least fifteen times per year to keep their membership active. All union members would also be required to punch out Maxime Lapierre at least once per year.
HAS STAN MIKITA COUNTER-SUED THE GREAT GAZOO? You may recall Fred Flintstone’s little buddy the Great Gazoo – a small, green, floating alien who was exiled to Earth from his home planet Zetox as punishment for having invented a nasty weapon of war. When former Chicago Blackhawk centreman Stan Mikita unveiled his new helmet design back in the 1970’s, the Great Gazoo was furious. He believed that Mikita based his helmet design on the standard helmet that all Zetoxians wore to protect themselves while travelling in space. Gazoo launched a million dollar lawsuit against Mikita. The legal hassles have been tied up in court for over 40 years. But now rumours are circulating that Mikita has counter-sued. This could get real ugly. Hockey Spy.com’s agents are monitoring the story and will keep you posted.
Click here to see the Mikita helmet.
Click here to see the Gazoo helmet.
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GOAL JUDGES DON'T JUDGE ANYMORE
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posted
on Mon. Aug. 22, 2011
DO THEY STILL CALL GOAL JUDGES, GOAL JUDGES? If so, why? They don’t judge anything anymore. Come to think of it, even when they were the only available option - prior to instant replay - they were rarely consulted during a goal crease controversy. Since the advent of instant replay, the goal judge has basically become redundant.
In recent years, NHL teams moved goal judges away from the rail seat behind the net and placed them higher up in some remote spot, thus allowing the home team to sell exactly one more ticket at a premium price. What a windfall! Goal judges are like members of the Canadian Senate, in that they are paid for what they do, even though they don’t do anything. Unless you consider flicking on the goal light, three seconds after everyone in the arena already knows it’s a goal, to be doing something.
WHO INVENTED GLOVE -DRYING MACHINES? If you watch NHL players file off the ice at the end of the first and second periods, you can often see them flipping their gloves to the team equipment manager, who in turns places them over some new-fangled machine that blows hot air into the wet gloves, drying them in time for the next period of play. Talk about prima donnas! We’ve often heard the media discuss how down-to-earth hockey players are when compared to the entitlement mindset of baseball, basketball and football players. But when you start using glove-drying machines, you too are well on your way to losing touch with reality.
IS THE ICE REALLY THE SAME FOR BOTH TEAMS? Hardly. A lousy sheet of ice that ensures a bouncing puck for sixty minutes will often benefit the less-skilled team. By applying constant never-ending pressure on the skill players, a team of grinders can frustrate their opponents at one end, while using bad-ice induced lucky bounces to produce their own goals at the other end.
ARE BEAN-PUCKS THE ANSWER TO RETRIBUTION FIGHTS? Hockey players like to think that their sport is the toughest of all - a real man’s sport; no room for the meek. Why then is it that every time one of their teammates receives a hard, yet clean, hit from an opponent - playing within the rules - that a fight must happen within five seconds, as a form of payback.
We see football players getting laid out with incredible hits all the time. These guys pop- up and return to the huddle as if nothing had happened. Shouldn’t hockey players be capable of sucking it up and doing the same? Or should hockey players emulate the real sissy’s of pro sports…baseball pitchers. Why are baseball pitchers considered manly when they settle a score with an opponent by whipping a 90 mile-per-hour fastball at a defenseless batter’s head? Many consider this the most cowardly act in sports.
Can’t you just see NHL players adopting the bean-ball approach - or in this case bean-puck approach - on the ice? As soon as a teammate is on the receiving end of a huge hit, his nearest linemate would immediately pick up the puck and whip it at the face of the opposing player responsible for the hit. Players would then clear the benches, congregate at centre ice, and pretend to be really, really mad. Just like ball players do.
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DALLAS COWBOY CHEERLEADERS ON ICE
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posted
on Thurs. Aug. 18, 2011
IS A BAD SEASON JUST AN EIGHT MONTH SLUMP? If a player stinks the joint out early in the season, it is called a slow start. If a player plays poorly in mid-season, it is called a slump. And of course, should a player play poorly at the end of the season, he is labeled a major choker. If a rookie has a slump, they say he isn’t ready. If a player in his prime has a slump, his bloated contract is the reason. If a veteran has a slump, it means the game has passed him by. Where was I when all these slump rules were agreed upon?
IS THERE ANYTHING AS LAME AS NHL REFEREES “MIKED” UP TO ANNOUNCE THEIR PENALTY CALLS? If they wanted to copy the National Football League, they should have hired the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders - and taught them how to figure skate. Instead, we get these feeble voiced refs trying to be heard, over the booing crowd, on a sound system that Buddy Holly and the Crickets once used.
CAN BEING A HOCKEY FAN IMPROVE ONE’S VOCABULARY? Yes, absolutely. Next time you’re playing Scrabble, watch your opponent’s face as you lay down words like trapezoid; stanchion; puck-bunny; net-cam; dipsy-doodle; spin-o-rama; and zamboni.
HOW MANY NHL SCOUTS ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING? My guess is not many. The end of season NHL Draft Combine is basically a joke. After watching these kids play all year long, does it really matter who can bench press and who can do the VO test without puking? Even worse are the ridiculous player interviews conducted by most teams just prior to the annual Entry Draft. Players are coached and pre-programmed by their agents, to act like robots, and memorize stock answers to stupid questions; posed by a room full of scouts who can’t wait to get to the pub. Aside from the top four or five obvious picks each year, the track record of these scouts is less than impressive. You can either identify talent or you can’t. Most can’t.
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TRUMP FIRES KEENAN?
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posted
on Wed. Aug. 10, 2011
IS THERE A WOMAN HOCKEY PLAYER OUT THERE CAPABLE OF SKATING IN THE NHL? If so, NHL fan reaction would be fascinating to watch. While some would probably object, it’s likely that most would go with the flow. After all, people still purchase Kentucky Fried Chicken even after learning that Colonel Sanders has breasts.
HAS MIKE KEENAN EVER BEEN FIRED BY DONALD TRUMP? Our agents say no. Which is odd for sure. Keenan has been fired over 23,000 times and Trump has been firing people on television every week for years, yet the two never engaged. Pity.
IS CHECKING FROM BEHIND A MISUNDERSTOOD ACT? NHL players are usually outraged when an opponent delivers a thundering hit from behind. Perhaps the penalized player’s intentions were totally honourable, and the hit was just a nice way of saying “I’ve got your back.”
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WANG, KESLER AND BOBBY HULL'S TOUPE
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posted
on Sat. Aug. 6, 2011
IF YOU WERE A LONG ISLAND RESIDENT, WOULD YOU HAVE VOTED TO USE TAXPAYER MONEY TO FINANCE A NEW ARENA FOR CHARLES WANG’S NEW YORK ISLANDERS? After quickly reminding myself that he hired his back-up goalie as General Manager, gave his injury-prone goalie a 15-year contract, and turned the team’s radio rights over to the local university, I would have to say, um, no.
HAS ANYONE EVER SEEN VANCOUVER CENTRE RYAN KESLER SMILE? Then again, maybe I’m being too hard on the guy. He plays a kids' game for a living, earns millions of dollars doing it, and has the pleasure of living in beautiful Vancouver alongside his adoring fans. Sounds like a candidate for the suicide hotline if there ever was one.
DID THE CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS WALK AWAY BECAUSE OF A GIVEAWAY? Chris Campoli wore the goat horns in game seven against the Canucks last spring and now the Hawks have turned their back on a $2.5 million arbitration decision.
CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN WHY JONATHAN TOEWS’ LAST NAME IS PRONOUNCED “TAVES?” Growing up in Manitoba, he would have been exposed to the brutal cold when playing outdoor pond hockey, leaving him with very cold fingers and taves.
WILL BOBBY HULL AGREE TO LET EVANDER KANE WEAR HIS RETIRED NUMBER NINE WHEN THE WINNIPEG JETS RETURN TO THE NHL THIS FALL? It was pretty gutsy of Kane to even ask. Let’s just hope he doesn’t ask Hull for permission to wear his old Jets toupe as well.
WILL THE NHL FINALLY CRACK DOWN ON POST-WHISTLE TRASH TALKING AND FACE-WASHING? They wouldn’t have to eliminate it entirely. If players were allowed to tweet from the bench, a lot of this macho yipping and yapping could be handled digitally. (e.g. Hey Johnson. #FOFF. Your mother wears army boots. @Guido22)
IF THE NHL SEES THE NEED TO AWARD THE BEST DEFENSIVE PLAYER WITH THE SELKE TROPHY EACH YEAR, ISN’T IT ONLY FAIR TO HAVE AN AWARD FOR THE WORST DEFENSIVE PLAYER AS WELL? If they did, Alex Kovalev might have stuck around for another NHL season, in pursuit of some hardware, instead of tripping off to the KHL. The Phil Esposito Award would go out annually to the NHL player who spends the least amount of time inside his own blueline. With Kovalev gone, Jason Spezza has to be licking his chops.
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TEN QUESTIONS
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posted
on Mon. Aug. 1, 2011
Ten Questions that Hockey Spy.com agents are currently seeking answers for:
Why are the Phoenix Coyotes trying to market a third jersey to a fan base that hasn’t even seen them play once? Give it up Gary. It’s over. Finito. Done like dinner. The fat lady has sung. Elvis has left the building.
If the caliber of goalkeeping is supposed to be at an all-time high, why is every player in the league diving in front of pucks all night long? With the speed of today’s players eliminating the time and space required for skill players to entertain us, this is the last thing the game needed.
With NHL players taking hooking penalties at an alarming rate, why are NHL coaches so deathly afraid of taking a two-minute instigator penalty? Hooking an opponent has no immediate or lasting benefit. Sending a clear intimidation message to your opponent does. A smart team would stop hooking and start punching.
Based on looks alone, hasn’t anyone looked into the possibility that Gary Bettman and Count Dracula are in fact one and the same? That would be the same Gary Bettman that is trying to suck every last drop of blood out of City of Glendale’s coffers.
Does NBC and TSN’s annoying motor-mouth Pierre McGuire get paid by the word? Please, someone out there hire this guy as a GM. My mute button finger is developing arthritis.
Is there anything quite as stupid as the “playoff beard?” You spend all your life working towards that one glorious legacy moment and you’re only lasting reminder is a picture of a bunch a guys sitting on the ice, in a pile, looking like a bunch of drunk physics professors.
How is it possible that Maxime Lapierre is still alive? No explanation required.
Is the rumour about a new NHL award true? If so, the Eric Lindros Trophy will go to the best head shot of the year. The never ending talk about concussions is giving me a headache.
Why do they call it free agency when players signed this way are always the most expensive? Nothing free about that.
Will new Players Association leader Donald Fehr try and hit a home run during the upcoming labour talks? This former leader of the baseball players association is now hockey’s new designated heavy hitter. Get yourself some peanuts and cracker jacks and sit back and watch as Fehr rears back to throw a strike. But don’t underestimate Bettman. If he goes down, he’ll go down swinging.
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