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  J O K E & D A G G E R - January 15, 2007 We all know about the annual June draft when NHL teams stockpile new prospects for their farm system. Hockey Spy.com has learned that there is another draft that takes place the week after the main event. This is when the individual teams put together their off-ice personnel, such as the zamboni drivers, clock operators, goal judges etc. Like all drafts, different trends come and go from year to year. In the main draft you might see a lot of forwards go early one year, and then see a run on defencemen the next year. The same thing happens during the secret arena personnel draft. For instance this year the first 5 picks were all used on zamboni drivers. Fans may recall that when the NHL adopted the two referee system, they also introduced the two zamboni flooding system, which probably explains the sudden run on these drivers. Here’s the draft list and some excerpts from the scouting report on each pick. Will Flood was the first overall pick this year, by Chicago. The scouting report says that Flood is fast out of the zamboni door gates, which allows more time for the water to dry prior to the next period. “He’s so fast the teams are still swearing at the refs when he has finished his first lap” says the report from Central Scouting. Nashville used the second pick to select Noah Snow. Scouts say Snow has the softest hands they have ever seen. He can turn left and right with equal grace. Last year he showed he can play when hurt, as he sprained his right wrist and pulled off several perfect floods using only his left hand. Dallas went third and chose Mike Skrape, who has a long history of being able to see the ice like Gretzky. “Skrape has never had to double back once in his entire driving career” says the scouting report. “He can see a snow problem developing long before anyone else can.” The fourth pick was used by Calgary and they wasted no time taking Chip Ice, who is fearless when it comes to going into the corners. “When Ice goes into the corner, not a single piece of snow is left standing” said the scouting report. “The man simply dominates the wall.” Norm Surface was taken fifth by the Sabres. “No one can select the right level of water flow like this guy can”. Earlier in the week there was a rumour circulating that said Surface was going to sign a deal over in Europe. But the Sabres did their homework and signed Surface to a multi year deal right after the draft had ended. Surface’s contract includes a major bonus should he win the Golden Wheel award next season. This award is voted on by the Zamboni Drivers Association itself and is the highest possible honour these floodmasters can attain. The rest of the first round saw a variety of different skills selected. With the sixth pick the Panthers went with Fred Pane who is well known for his ability to replace a broken glass panel that cracks or shatters. Atlanta opted to go with Doran Keeper who can repair a broken players bench door before a regular t.v. timeout has expired. Quick hands with the new graphite screwdriver that is taking hold across the league. Billy “Flip” Switch was the first goal judge to be taken in the first round by Ottawa. “He can anticipate a goal better than anyone, and will often have the goal light flashing before the puck leaves the shooters stick. He’s never wrong. He plays be ear. He can tell by the sound whether the puck hit the front crossbar or the inside bar. The video proves over and over again what a prodigy he really is.” Vancouver fans are ecstatic to learn that the Canucks got their hands on famous timekeeper Dick Tock. This guy can save a tenth of a second better than any of his peers with his quick thumb and keen ear. “We never dreamed it would be possible for Dick to still be there by the time we made our pick” said a Canucks spokesman. “Our timekeeping problems are solved for the next 50 years, unless he drops dead before that.” There were a lot of other interesting picks throughout the rest of the first round, but none more so than the moment Los Angeles picked up famed goal and penalty announcer Mike Raphone. His golden voice will sell a lot of season tickets for many years to come. The report from Central Scouting says “his goal announcements are strong, but when it comes to reporting the assists there is no one close to his level.” A real steal by the Kings. Hockey Spy.com has also learned that both TSN in Canada and ESPN in the United States plan to carry this draft next summer. The man put in charge of all the plans for this historic broadcast is none other than the famed Cam Raman. This should be good. |
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