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J O K E   &   D A G G E R - January 29, 2007 Hockey Headlines Newspaper headlines we wish we could see: NHL EQUIPMENT MANAGERS OUT ON STRIKE Players complain of foul smelling underwear PLAYERS BENCHES REMOVED FROM ALL NHL ARENAS Owners claim space needed to sell more tickets ENFORCER GEORGES LARAQUE JUMPS TO WORLD CURLING LEAGUE Fighting now allowed in curling to curtail increased broom violence. NHL BANS SKATE SHARPENING Slipping and sliding players should result in increased scoring chances. GEORGE BUSH HIRED AS NEW NHL COMMISSIONER Stanley Cup winner to challenge Iraq’s national hockey team in big showdown CANUCKS HIRE PORNO QUEEN AS COACH Team spokesmen says its just another way to make sure the fans get screwed ASHTON KUSHNER JOINS BLUE JACKETS FRONT OFFICE Coach Ken Hitchcock worries he will be punked DAVID BECKHAM TO JOIN PENGUINS New posh winger’s corner kick should make team power play unstoppable GORDIE HOWE RETURNS TO RED WINGS LINEUP “Always dreamed of playing with my grandchildren,” says Howe HOWE SIGNS 30 YEAR CONTRACT EXTENSION “Always dreamed of playing with my great-grandchildren,” says Howe BOZO THE CLOWN NEW REFEREE-IN-CHIEF “A natural progression,” says Bozo.“Coaches have been calling refs a bunch of clowns for years.” SIDNEY CROSBY RETIRES AT AGE 19 Plans to open chain of self serve barber shops.

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