HockeySpy.com

J O K E   &   D A G G E R - February 5, 2007 Candid Interview Most hockey fans find the in-between period player interviews to be rather dull and boring. Players don’t want to offend opponents and give them extra incentive. They don’t want to offend fellow teammates for obvious reasons. And they don’t want to anger the coach for even more obvious reasons. So they give us a bunch of standard clichés, which send most of us to the beer fridge for a reload. Here’s the type of player interview Hockey Spy.com would love to see: HOST: That was a tough loss for you guys. PLAYER: Yeah it was. If we had a friggin goalie we’d still be playing. HOST: Their power play was cooking tonight. PLAYER: Their power play shouldn’t have been on the ice. That referee is a friggin idiot. My guess is he’s on the take. HOST: That’s a strong accusation. Aren’t you worried about what the league will say? PLAYER: Not really. That weasel Bettman has negotiated such a crappy t.v. package, I doubt if anyone besides your wife and my mother is watching anyway. HOST: Maybe so, but a heavy fine could be in order. PLAYER: Thanks to the Players Association there are limits on how much they can fine me. I got money coming out my ears, so that won’t bother me much. HOST: Your line was held off the score sheet tonight. PLAYER: We were basically playing shorthanded tonight. My damn right winger was still half drunk from last night. The guy is a piss tank to put it mildly. HOST: Can’t the players convince him to cut back a bit? PLAYER: My left winger was going to say something, but he found a real cheap hooker in the hotel lobby and took a pass on going to the bar. HOST: These off-ice distractions aren’t doing much for your playoff chances PLAYER: No big deal. Most of us have cottages we can’t wait to get to anyway. HOST: I always thought playoffs were a huge deal for the players. PLAYER: There’s not much chance we could do anything in the playoffs with the clown we’ve got behind the bench. This guy is totally lost. HOST: Comments like that can’t help your icetime situation. PLAYER: The coach is in the final year of his contract. His ass is on the line. He can’t afford to bench me. HOST: You’ve got Boston coming in tomorrow. PLAYER: I can’t stand those pricks. I hope we smoke them by ten goals. I’ll probably backcheck a few times against those morons. HOST: But you used to play for the Bruins. PLAYER: Don’t remind me, that town is a real dump. HOST: I understand your parents are attending that game. PLAYER: Yeah, I owe them a lot. They’re the ones that taught me that if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all. HOST: It’s been a pleasure speaking with you. PLAYER: I’m sure it was.

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