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  J O K E & D A G G E R - November 27, 2006 While the eventual winner of Survivor: NHL Style is still a well kept secret, Hockey Spy.com has been give permission to report on the first few hours of the event. Things got off to a very controversial start when the first canoe full of participants arrived on shore. Network executives wanted to bar Scotty Bowman from appearing on the show. They were convinced he was actually Bob Hope. They spent several hours interrogating Bowman, wanting to know if Elvis was still alive as well. Finally Bettman and Cherry were able to convince the naïve executives that this was in fact Scotty Bowman. While all of that was going on a second canoe pulled up with Eric Lindros aboard. While there was no problem as far as his identity goes, there was some question as to why there were two other people sitting in his canoe. “Oh, those are my parents,” explained Lindros. “They’re here to make sure I’m on the winning team, and that I get the most camera time.” Another canoe never quite made it to shore. As Cherry and MacLean were waving hello to the inbound participant, the boat suddenly made a sharp u-turn and headed back to sea. “That’s Mike Keenan,” explained MacLean. “He’s been fired from the show.” Survivor executives disputed that claim, telling Hockey Spy.com that Keenan had resigned. New York Islanders owner Charles Wang was the next to arrive. He too ruffled some feathers early when he offered to buy the rights to the show from the current owners. While his offer was refused, Hockey Spy.com has been told that had he been successful, Wang was going to promote camera man #3 to Executive Producer and leave him in complete charge of the show. There were two tribes competing for the grand prize. MacLean would monitor the Obstruction Tribe, while Cherry would keep tabs on the Visor Tribe. The NHL personalities were assigned to the tribes based on a 10 round draft. Defenceman Chris Pronger angered many when he refused to play for the tribe that drafted him. His wife wasn’t happy with that tribe and wanted him traded right away. Of course keeping the tribes fed was totally the responsibility of the team members. Fish was available from the nearby lagoon. Just as several hungry team members were about to dive into the lagoon, NHL Director of Officiating Steven Walkom came running onto the beach blowing his whistle repeatedly. He wanted to bring a quick end to the fishing expedition, claiming he was enforcing a new major crackdown on diving. The first head-to-head challenge between the two tribes involves an obstacle course across wild jungle, swampy fields and through several caves. Several of the caves are potentially dangerous as they appear to be on the verge of caving in. Players will have to tread softly despite the need to get through first. Cherry insisted that Players Association boss Ted Saskin handle that challenge for his team. Cherry correctly pointed out that Saskin had the most experience when in came to caving in. As Ranger superstar Jaromir Jagr pre-scouted the jungle area, he slipped and fell heavily to the ground. Several NHL trainers in attendance raced to his side and helped him back to the main camp. Television executives were concerned about Jagr’s ability to be part of the show and pressed the trainers for a diagnosis. Obviously the answer they got left them confused. “What the hell is an upper body injury?” one producer whined. That’s a lot of action when you consider the actual event hasn’t even started. As stated earlier we can’t tell you who won in the end. But if the actual game is anywhere near as volatile as the early arrivals have been, this show should be a doozie. Oh wait, here comes yet another canoe carrying some guy dressed in blue. And paddling away like a maniac is none other than Ken Hitchcock. He gets out of his boat huffing and puffing. “Sorry I’m late guys, but I had to stop on the way to pick up my new blue jacket.” |
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