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J O K E & D A G G E R - December 11, 2006
TWAS THE HOCKEY NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS
Twas the night before Christmas
And all through Bettman’s house
Not a team owner had noticed
That he looks like a mouse
The helmets were hung
By the crossbar with care
In hopes that mandatory visors
Would some day be there
That is the wish
Of the Prez we call Gary
Too bad the real boss
Is a guy named Don Cherry
The goalies were nestled
All snug in their nets
While some guy named Tochett
Took all their bets
While visions of shutouts
Danced in their heads
They needed the bonus
To pay back the feds
While owners sell sweaters
As well as team caps
The coaches are drawing up
Neutral zone traps
When what to my wandering
Eyes should appear
A small plastic cup
Filled with $9.00 beer
When out on the ice
Arose such a clatter
I jumped from my seat
To see what’s the matter
Right up the boards
He flew like a flash
The Habs had signed Santa
He needed the cash
He weaved with the puck
Made tracks through the snow
Faked to the left then
Went five hole down low
The new rules mean
Players be lively and quick
The perfect scenario
For the speedy St. Nick
More rapid than eagles
His wingers they came
He whistled and shouted
And called them by name
Now Koivu, Now Higgins,
Now Johnson and Ryder
Come Kovalev, Come Souray
And Downey the fighter
He was dressed all in fur
From his head to his foot
Like Gretzky he knew
Where the puck should be put
And bundle of passes
From behind his back
His vision was better
Than most of the pack
His eyes how they twinkled
His dimples so merry
He cheeks were like roses
Defencemen were wary
He had a broad face
And a little round belly
That shook when he deked
Like a bowlful of jelly
He was chubby and plump
A right jolly old elf
I laughed when I saw him
Beat Brodeur top shelf
A wink of his eye
A twist of his head
He had a new move
Defencemen would dread
He spoke not a word
But went straight to work
I thought I heard him mutter
That the ref was a jerk
He fled to his sleigh
Upon the last whistle
And away they all flew
Like the down of a thistle
But I heard him explain
Ere he drove out of sight
Merry shootout to all
And to all a good night.
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