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J O K E   &   D A G G E R - December 25, 2006 CHRISTMAS LIST At least the NHL doesn’t have the gall to play league games on Christmas Eve and Christmas day like some other major sports do. As a result Santa has been more than kind to members of the hockey fraternity. My elf contact from the north pole tells me that Santa has developed a new road hockey net for kids. It’s bigger in size than previous years. Santa calls it the Colin Campbell model. Santa has also joined in on the new wave of gift cards that are so prevalent these days. He has designed a new Jeremy Roenick gift certificate. It’s a dinner for two offer, but is only valid when your team is on the ice playing a league game. From Santa’s workshop comes word that Santa has designed a new hat that will be given out to all the NHL General Managers. It’s a ball-cap style hat with a giant dollar sign on the front panel. Santa calls it the Salary Cap. It’s no secret that Columbus GM Doug McLean is like the cat with nine lives. His team has had multiple high draft picks and yet they have underachieved. Some say that only a strong playoff run this year can save his job. Santa has decided to put an extension cord in McLean’s stocking this year. It may be the only extension he gets this year. Santa is obviously one of the thousands out there who finds TSN and NBC hockey analyst Pierre Maguire to be rather annoying, to put it mildly. Included in Santa’s big red bag this year is a Maguire model remote control for televisions. It has a different NHL logo printed on each of the buttons. The other unusual feature is that no matter which button you push the MUTE option kicks in. Santa feels too much emphasis is put on winning. Being a sentimental guy Santa has a soft spot in his heart for those teams that never come close to winning the Stanley Cup. The elves designed a new award for the team that finishes last during the regular season. They have taken ex-Leaf great Allan Stanley’s old athletic supporter and mounted it on a brilliant trophy stand. Santa has named it Stanley’s Cup. Santa is also the forgiving type. Despite being totally disgraced in the hockey world, former Players Association leader Alan Eagleson found a gift under his tree. Santa left him a DVD copy of the hit movie To Catch A Thief. Eagleson wasn’t the only one to get a movie DVD from the big fellow. Los Angeles agitator Sean Avery got a copy of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Zdeno Chara got Raging Bull and Maple Leaf sniper Kyle Wellwood got his own copy of Babyface. Santa was also in the mood for music. Quite a few NHLers found new music CD’s in their stockings. Super goalie Dominic Hasek got the Rolling Stones classic Sticky Fingers. AC/DC’s new album Back in Black went to Pittsburgh’s re-acquired forward Mark Recchi and the cup winning Carolina Hurricanes all got copies of David Bowie’s Heroes album. But by far the most interesting gift was found under the tree belonging to Alexander Ovechkin. Santa gave him his very own centaur. Ovechkin was not amused. “I know my accent is heavy, but I clearly told Santa that the thing I needed more than anything was a really good center.”

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