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J O K E   &   D A G G E R - January 1, 2007 2007 Good riddance to 2006. Don’t look back. Instead let’s look forward to what might happen in hockey during 2007. With Saddam Hussein out of the way, look for Iraq to quickly establish itself as a world hockey power. In a bid to increase scoring look for the NHL to not only reduce the size of goalie equipment, but to also reduce the size of goalies as well. Only former horse racing jockey’s will now be eligible to play in net. Some fans like this, while others say nay. Team owners figure they can save travel costs as both goalies will be able to share one airline seat. Look for the NHL to continue to try and attract a younger generation of fans by implementing a new beer policy. All fans over the age of 3 will be eligible to purchase beer at the rink. To ensure fans don’t get carried away, each customer will be restricted to 3 beers at a time, and all alcohol sales will be cut off after 58 minutes of play. Word is that the NHL plans to adopt some of the things that are popular in Major League Baseball. For instance it has been traditional in pro baseball for the team manager and coaches to wear full baseball uniforms and spikes while sitting in the dugout. Rumour has it that all NHL coaches will be asked to wear full hockey outfits behind the bench, including skates and helmets. Visors are optional. Can’t wait to see Ken Hitchcock in his Blue Jackets outfit. Another NHL plan to increase ticket sales will focus on naked women. NHL marketing surveys indicate that there are no naked woman in attendance at league games. Obviously this is nothing more than a marketing oversight that can be easily rectified. A new league policy will allow all naked woman to buy tickets at a 15% discount. Naming rights to NHL arenas has proven to be very lucrative for member teams. These corporate sponsors are paying big dollars to attach their name to these venues and will now be allowed to get product specific. Already we have heard that Boston’s rink will be known as the Big Mac with Extra Sauce Centre, Chicago will have the Domino’s Pizza Cheese Crust No Anchiove Forum and Vancouver will be playing out of the Starbuck’s Double Double Arena Arena. Using former NHL greats as a way of marketing the game is not new. What is new is the fact that each NHL team will now be required to dress two veterans aged 65 or over in each league game. To avoid fatigue they can rotate various veterans from game to game and if a player dies during a game a replacement can suit up right away. This was apparently tested in Detroit during the pre-season when Boston was in town. Gordie Howe was held to 3 goals and 7 assists. Not bad considering he only took 4 shifts. Howe was also involved in 9 fights. The NHL is often criticized for being the only major sport that allows fighting to take place. In an attempt to crackdown on the fisticuffs we have learned that the NHL is planning on a series of changes. Players involved in fights will have notes sent home to their parents. Second time offenders will be asked to sit in the penalty box facing the wall for half an hour. Multiple time offenders will lose their drivers license for 24 hours. Probably a bit harsh, but the NHL needs to clean up its act. As the salary cap continues to rise, so does the demand for new revenue generating ideas amongst NHL owners. Don’t be surprised to see some alterations to the current playoff format. Starting in 2007 all playoff series will be changed from a best 4 out of 7 format to a best 36 out of 71 format. Not only will this give the stronger team a better chance to advance, it will also mean that the off-season will be reduced from 3 months per year to 17 minutes per year.

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