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Dumb and Dumber - March 31, 2007 The Central Hockey League must have been serving booze at the last general meeting. How else do you explain a playoff format that allows the “highest seeded” first round loser to move forward to the next round. That’s right. Even though they lose their playoff series they will be allowed to move forward along with the rest of the winners. Considering there are at least 1 kabillion different playoff formats that can be used, we have to ask: Why this one?? Why not declare that the team with the most right hand shots will advance. Or perhaps the team with the best snack bar hot dogs will advance. Or the team with the most tripping penalties advances. I guess that’s why they call the minor leagues, minor league. The Hockey News player poll was published this week. The bible of hockey asks players to list their favourite out of town arena, which team has the best ice, who the best player in the league is etc. etc. Some questions that we would like to see added include: Who has the worst coach in the league? Which referee would you love to fire a puck at? Which player is the biggest drunk in the league? Which city has the best puck bunnies? Which players in the NHL do you think might be gay? Which player is the biggest chicken in the corners? Who is the biggest puck hog on your team? Which player on your team has deep pockets and short arms? Which player on your team has bad breath? Which player on your team sucks up to the coach on a daily basis? These are things we need to know asap. Then and only then can we sleep soundly. Under the heading of “just a thought.” How about the following: If you want to avoid diving why not penalize every player who falls down on the ice for any reason? That’s right, two minutes for falling down. Bill Barber just had a heart attack. If you want to get rid of the neutral zone trap and boring hockey why not have NHL teams with no coaches at all? If you want to see more scoring in hockey why not make the goalies play with rubber boots on instead of skates? If you want the players to actually try during an all-star game, why not declare that the players on the losing team must retire right after the game? If you want to be fair to all players in the NHL why not also have awards for the worst player, worst goalie and worst coach. This would spice up the year end awards show for sure. I called this section “just a thought.” At no time did I call it “just a good thought.”

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